Just a lot of venting…

When I got back home last night, I was too tired to rant. Although I felt like ranting and bitching about some stuff, I just couldn’t get myself to sit down and try to transform this anger and annoyance into words. Words which would make sense if they were strung together. So, I didn’t rant last night, but watched another Lynley mysteries DVD instead. With this rate I should order season 3 already, but I should be reasonable and watch some other stuff instead. Or spend more time working through the study material for the Engery 2 course. But if I was too tired to rant, I definitely was too tired to study.

After a more or less good nights sleep most of the anger wore off, although some of the stuff causing it, did not. I’m still extremly annoyed by my co-workers work attitude. It’s not that I can’t work without him, or use the office hours for other stuff *g*, when there isn’t that much to do. But it still would be nice to be able to talk to him every once in a while. In person. For more than just 30 seconds. I need feedback on some stuff, before I can continue working on it, and I don’t want to do it all over again later, when he disagrees with what I had in mind.
I get that he might have a lot of local politics stuff going on right now, which he needs to take care of. But so do I. (I’ll get to that in a minute). And I still show up at work. So if he doesn’t I at least expect him to let me know in advance. What annoys me most about all of this is, that every once in a while somebody calls and wants to talk to him and all I can say is: “Sorry, he’s not here yet.” or “Sorry, I don’t know when he will be in today.” and “Yes, I will let him know…” I leave a message on his mailbox and never know if he takes care of the stuff. And it feels really great to have to tell someone the next day. “Yes, I passed on your message, I’m sorry, he didn’t contacted you yet”  ARGH!

In any other job he probably would have already been fired or at least seriously reprimanded. Which he  mightbe tomorrow, because even our bosses (who don’t supervise us regularly, as they work somewhere else) are really annoyed about some stuff too. Because of this serious communication problem, I didn’t know he called a full volunteer staff meeting tomorrow afternoon. We talked about it, but due to some problems I expected it to be cancelled anyway. But it obviously isn’t, which means I have to come to work tomorrow as well.

And that’s just what I need, with weeks full of work and meetings and appointments anyway. Besides work I had towncouncil committees on Mo/Tue, some other local politic date yesterday evening and another one will be this afternoon. Plus watching Eurocup 2008 on Monday night and tonight. Extra Work tomorrow afternoon. Next week there will be Green party meeting on Monday night, town council meeting on Tuesday, and another work meeting on my usually free Friday afternon/evening.
I hope to finally get back into some kind of study routine after that with more or less free evenings for the next 6 weeks. And free Fridays…
But I really have to work for my postgraduate studies much much more. As it’s distance learning I don’t have the fixed schedule that would put enough pressure on me. I have to put that pressure on me all by myself. But when I come home around 8pm after about 12 hours away from home (commute, work, commute, local politics) pressure is the last thing I need. Then I need my comfy armchair, some chocolate, cuddle “Brent Burns” *g* and relax while watching Lynley or other stuff on DVD.

And I didn’t even start to rant about the local politic stuff going on right now :) Although there isn’t much too rant about per se. Just the added work which it might and does mean for me, when I want to do something about it or better said against it. Which always means a confrontation with either the other parties on the town council or the mayor and parts of the administrations. I’m the leading green party person, so I have to do the confronting and arguing and stuff.
Everytime that happens I just need a while to go ahead and do it, because I usually rather shield away from conflicts or open confrontation. Low self-esteem and all, which is stupid, I know, because there is no need to feel inferior before the whole “fight” has even started. And as much as I know I want to do this and that it’s the right thing to do, I still feel a bit queasy. When will that ever stop ?!?!?

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