I have no idea what’s wrong with me. Not “wrong” in the “feeling sick” kind of way, because I feel ok. Not quite my old self yet though, because I’m so tired all the time. Well, maybe not ALL the time, but much more than I used to be. Not just tired physically. I feel like I also have a slight “getting motivated to do anything” problem. It’s weird to explain and written down it probably already sounds worse than it is. I don’t know… I just feel weird. And it annoys me. Not quite knowing how to get over it, annoys me even more.
This “feeling weird” thing probably also is the reason, why I still have a lot of things I want to / should do, but I prefer to procrastinate instead. I excel at procrastination by now. I still haven’t started to work on that termpaper, which I have postponed in February and which is due in September. I haven’t started a new class yet either. I’m doing tiny bits of research for the paper every once in a while, but I should just clear my schedule for a weekend and start writing it for good. It’s the same with some stuff for my local Greens or town council work. I could work on various topics, but I don’t.
I also really should start to work out again. Either at the gym or on the bike (or even better… both), but I haven’t gotten my lazy ass of my couch yet. I thought about taking a ride on my bike this weekend, but then I slept so so poorly last night and woke up late and there is no way I’m starting to exercise at noon when it’s already around 30 °C. Too lazy to do it in the evening today either. As my schedule for tomorrow is already packed, I have to use the morning hours to clean my apartment (which I could have done today, I admit, but as I slept so poorly I couldn’t really motivate myself to do that. Did I mention my current motivational problems :-)?)
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To get over the feeling weird thing I try to include fun or interesting stuff into my everyday life. Maybe that’s too much distraction from the studying. Procrastination deluxe, so to speak.
I’m usually not much of a cook, but sometime last week I had the idea that it might be fun to actually do more cooking. Try out something new. Food I love to eat at restaurants. So I bought a cookbook with Indian recipies, which also includes a lot of information about Indian spices and ingredients and such. Basic Indian cooking, so to speak.
I spent days to find out where to get the most common Indian ingredients and spices :-). Another way to procrastinate, I guess. But I did cook my first Indian dish all by myself on Thursday and all things considered, it went rather well. I had a few tiny mishaps in the process, but it tasted yummy anyway. So once I’ve got some more of the necessary ingredients I might try to cook a different Indian dish next week.
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Another attempt to add some fun into my boring and ordinary life was the rather spontaneous decision to spend a few days in Stockholm in August. I have to write a decent post soon about Stockholm and the reasons I love this city and why I ended up there as an exchange student at KTH during the fall/winter term in 1997/1998. I really hope I’ll find the time (and the motivation!) to write this post next week. I actually thought about writing this today, but then I thought I better start with a “Miscellaneous” post to get the various things off my mind.
I came up with this vacation idea, when I watched the news reports about the wedding of Princess Victoria of Sweden and saw this beautiful capital as it’s best. I’m so grateful for the internet that makes it’s so easy to organize and book a vacation this spontaneously nowadays. I already bought a new travelguide and am determined to brush up my Swedish language skills over the next few weeks. I still understand quite a lot when I read or even hear Swedish, but my own ability to speak (or write) it are seriously lacking. I found a decent computer assisted language course for self learning, so I’ll order the software soon and hopefully will improve my vocabulary and especially grammar skills till mid-August. Of course plans like this might be considered procrastination as well, because I won’t be working on my termpaper when I’ll be studying Swedish, but I’m sure I’ll find a way to fit both parts of my “education” into my schedule.
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I finished listening to the “Outlander” audiobook this morning *sigh* I just love, love, love this story and Davina Porter did an excellent job narrating it. I’m looking forward to the next few audiobooks of this series. I’ll be able to download the next one at audible.de in two weeks (just one in a month with the 10 EUR / $15 membership) and I’ll probably need longer to listen to the next one anyway. Sickleave allowed me to spend half of my days listening to the first one.
Unfortunately not the complete series is available as unabridged audiobooks so far. Part 5 and 6 can only be downloaded as very very abridged versions at the moment, due to some license issues. According to Diana Gabaldon’s wikipedia page Part 5 will be available in spring 2011, but part 6 not before 2015. Part 7, which was published as hardcover in September 2009, is available as unabridged audiobook already. I guess, I don’t have to understand the details of book / audiobook license deals :-)
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The last weekend in June is Fun Fair weekend in my small hometown. I haven’t been there last night, because I had to work till late in the evening. I’m not even going tonight either, because I’m too lazy to leave my apartment / patio. And I’m just not in the mood for meaningless smalltalk, which is the only kind of talk that happens, when you run into old pals from school on this fair. A good friend is out of town, other old friends, who used to come back home for this fair, obviously don’t do so this year. And it’s not much fun to go there on your own. You need company on a fun fair. I’ll be there with my local Greens on Monday and maybe go see the fireworks on Tuesday with a friend.
I won’t be around to watch the parade tomorrow afternoon either, but will watch Team Germany at the worldcup on TV instead. There probably will be TV all along the route of the parade as well, but it’s also going to be 30 °C or more and I don’t feel very much inclined to spend the afternoon standing around in the sun. If they could, my three brothers would probably disown me for my lack of enthusiasm about the Fun Fair. Like a lot of the towns citiziens (especially those who were born and raised here, like all four of us were) they will spend every night there. Drinking beer, meeting folks, drinking more beer…;-) I guess in this case I got more of my mom’s genes, because she isn’t interested in the fun fair a lot either. But unlike me she wasn’t born here either, which at least to some extent explains her attitude. Me on the other hand… disgrace to the family ;-)
Who is to say that the procrastination isn’t bringing you joy, though! See, I say take note of what you do in that procrastination time, and think of it as time to indulge your senses a bit.
And Indian food? Yum!
Procrastination can be a lot of joy, until the bad conscience kicks in :-) I’ll try to find the right balance though. And cooking and trying out new recipies instead of eating unhealthy junkfood is always a good thing.