Today's Leftovers, 3rd issue, 2011

I’m still feeling pretty crappy. The acute MS symptoms are still bothering me, especially as they don’t lessen as much or as fast as I’d love them to. I’m suffering from worse “after effects” of the IV than ever before and am starting to be paranoid. Not literally paranoid, but still… ugh, I’d love to have a break. And to get a decent night of sleep. This has been so so exhausting.

Being forced to reevaluate my state of health and my own perception of it all and to make up my mind about the other treatment my doc suggested is exhausting as well. I don’t have to decide anything within the next few weeks, which is good, because I couldn’t. But just the fact that I have to think about this and can’t go on living in this weird mix of acceptance/denial in which I existed the last few years, is annoying like hell. I wasn’t living in denial, I accepted the diagnosis and what came with it and that the MS would trouble me every once in a while. I would have been fine with that kind of development. But to find out that this might all have been a false conclusion and that I’m not doing as fine as I think and feel I do, is rather frustrating. I guess I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around it…

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I still have a lot of fun doing the macro shots for this week’s project365 assignment.

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Another thing that’s really bugging me about this whole health issue: Worrying about it keeps my mind so ocuppied, that I can’t think about nicer stuff that I could also spend my time with. Planning the short trip to Berlin in February and such….

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The Sharks lost the hockey game in Berlin. Too bad. From what I’ve heard on the radio they played rather well, so … :-(

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Another night (and even a Friday!) where I’ll be going to bed before 11 pm. If I didn’t feel so crappy, I would call this pathetic.

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