Jumble of Thoughts #003

I shouldn’t be writing a blog post about random stuff, but instead should be using the time to work on my grad school assignment which is due in two weeks and so far consists of 2 of the required 20 pages. Reason for that? I’ve been so distracted with other stuff recently. Or to be more precise, I let myself be distracted by other stuff, because it wasn’t important or urgent stuff. Neither was it stuff that I actually did do. I was just lost in my thoughts a lot, not necessarily in a bad way. Well, it was bad that it was distracting me, but the thoughts weren’t of the worrying kind or something like that.
The moment I realized this was distracting me from the stuff I actually really, really needed to be doing, I started the whole worrying and beating myself up cycle, but that still didn’t get any writing done. *sigh* I’m a bad bad procrastinator sometimes. If I’d at least procrastinate with nice and fun stuff, but this time I obviously choose to “go mental”. It’s really hard to explain. Especially as I don’t undestand it myself. I’m just in a weird funk. But I really, really need to get out of it, because that damn assignment has to be handed it in two weeks. And I’ve already flunked it last year, for similar reasons. Well, last year I had the whole “new MS treatment” thing to think about, that’s an excuse at least.

This week I’ve got a good excuse for being a lazy student as well, because last weekend I’ve gotten the plague. Ok, it was/is just a cold, but a nasty one, which made me feel miserable. I cancelled some of the activities I had actually planned for the week, just went to work and vegetated on my couch for the rest of the time. I was feeling much better yesterday, this morning for a while it felt like it had gotten worse again, but I think I’m ready to start tackling the workload for the assignment tomorrow.
I’ve taken half of the next week off from work and I need to get a good chunk of the assignment done till then, because my professional and personal calendar is filled with all kinds of activities for the days afterwards. I really, really shouldn’t have waited till the last minute to start working on that assignment. *sigh*

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I’m thinking of setting up for some kind of blog project for March. I want to write more, but most of the time I don’t have a clear idea what to write about. I usually don’t want to write these rants about random personal stuff, even though once I start I usually seem to have a lot to say :-). But I don’t really want this blog to be just another diary-kind-of-blog. I still haven’t figured out what exactly I want to write about, and I guess that’s the essential problem. I might start getting back into the writing-mode with writing more reviews again of TV shows, movies, books.
There also are quite a few political / social issues I’d love to comment upon, but when I start gathering my thoughts and thinking about how to best present my opinion on these issues or even figuring out what exactly my opinion is (and then how to best put it into words) the whole idea of writing a opinionated post seems so insurmountable, that I shy away from it. That’s why all you get are “jumble of thoughts”. I think once I’m done with this grad school assignment I might give it a try though. Anything to fill this blog with more content…

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I think part of this new motivation and determination to blog more is due to finding Regina Brett’s 50 Life-Lessons. It was a column she had written and it was obviously e-mailed around the world like so many other stuff got. Although by now it’s probably less e-mailed, but shared on Facebook and Tumblr and Twitter and such. I never got that e-mail back in the days, so these lessons were all new to me. Oh and how wonderfully poignant and true and wise some of these lessons were. The day I read the list I also bought Regina Brett’s book about these lessons and I’m half-way through and I love it. Maybe I should write a few blog posts about why some of this lessons and in which regard I can relate to them…

My favourite 5 out of the 50:

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

But there are a lot more very true and wise lessons. I really should write my own take on some of these.

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I already now know that I won’t be able to keep up with all my “Promises 2012” this month. I’ll be doing ok on the health promises, but just didn’t or won’t find the time to fulfill all the activity ones. Two days ago I used some free time after work to work out some clues for a multi-cache in the town I work in and even if I won’t be able to follow these leads till the end of the months I will still allow myself to consider it a “geocaching outing”.
I will also allow myself to broaden the “theater promise” a bit. I won’t go to the theater in the neighbouring town, but will consider taking my mom to a different comedy theater next Sunday (X-mas gift for her) a adequate substitute.
Which leaves the museum promise and I will have to flunk this one, because there is no way I could or can squeeze in a visit this month. Visiting the ones I really want to go to, takes some time, because they are not located anywhere close to my home or the office. Time I didn’t and don’t have this month. I could have squeezed in a short visit to a museum close by, but it’s a museum I don’t even want to visit and just to go there to check something off my list, feels like a waste of my time. So as consequence I’ll give up Starbucks (should be rather easy) and chocolate (will be hard) for the first week of March.

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With using “giving up chocolate” as consequence for the Promises I have to think of something else to give up for Lent. Yesterday I had an idea, which also might help me to achieve more mindfullness in my life. I still have to give it some thought and to work out the details, but I’ll probably go for it. I’ll write about it on Ash Wednesday then.

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