I wish this feeling of being overwhelmed by various things in my life would finally vanish. Because all these things (work, grad school etc.) aren’t really all that overwhelming to be honest , I just let them drag me down somehow. And the fact that it all seems overwhelming and dragging me down makes me even more indecisive and procrastinative (I know that’s probably not a word, I’m just too lazy to think of the right term). I spend too much time doing things I don’t need to do now right now, like making plans for the summer or deciding that I need to buy a new bike this summer and then spend hours searching the web for information and prices and such. Even though I should be thinking about and doing more important and urgent stuff. Like working on the grad school assignment which has a fixed deadline.
There are still a lot of things at work that I feel not really prepared to do yet and now the head of our team is out sick for the week and I’m afraid I’m flailing and not up to the tasks and expectations. Which is stupid, probably, but that’s me and always has been. It’s not the me that I want to be, but it’s soooo difficult to get out of this self-doubting, self-loathing skin of mine.
I at least try to take care of myself in the way of trying to get enough sleep, keep hydrated through the day, get out for a walk (exercise and fresh air and sunlight) every day. You know the pure fundamentals, that I tend to have neglected so often. This way I at least try to preserve my energy until my two week vacation, i.e. time off work in March. I feel like I’m so in need of this time off, because this work schedule is starting to wear me down. And besides the Christmas break I didn’t really had time off since August and Christmas wasn’t all that relaxing with my Mom hospitalized and all.
I’m so exhausted every day when I get back home and I neglect the stuff I should be doing and spend the evening vegetating on my sofa in front of my TV or netbook screen. It’s not healthy, but at the moment I’m too exhausted to actually be active in the evenings after work. I really hope that the two weeks in March will help me recharge, energy and mood wise.
I also tried to cut back on chocolate and snacks and all, because I really, really need to lose some weight, but with this weird mood I’m in, giving up my comfort food is too much to ask. Yes, I know that’s not healthy either but right now I think sleep, water, taking a walk, fresh air and sunlight will have to do the trick. And maybe I’ll have made up my mind about a new bike in early March as well and will buy it and use the two weeks to get into a cycling routine again. March is a good time to take up cycling again and I’ll just have to keep trudging on till then.
12 more days at the office until I’m off. Right now that seems like a loooooooong time. But considering that I’ve already been at work 25 days this year, I should be able to handle another 12….
[off to iron some laundry before I whip up a quick supper and vegetate on my couch afterwards *g*]