I’ve been wondering about the purpose of this blog lately. I hardly seem to post anymore and especially post nothing more than random stories of pretty ordinary days or activities. It all feels a bit meaningless and I have no idea how to change that.
I feel like this blog is missing a theme, but I still haven’t quite figured out what that theme could be. I might be having such a hard time figuring out the purpose of this blog, because recently I more often than not think that my life doesn’t amount to anything special. This sounds kind of depressing, I know. It’s not meant that way although… maybe it is? I don’t know…
I’ve been feeling kind of lost in some way for a while and it’s strange because over the past few months a lot of good stuff came together in my life (job, health etc.) so I should be feeling more upbeat and optimistic, but… I don’t know. I still haven’t quite figured out where this weird mood is coming from. Or what it is. And before I continue babbling about unexplainable strange moods I should shut up again. At least about this topic.
Work is insanely busy at the moment and that might be stressing me out as well. I like the job and I’m happy with it, but it comes with a level of responsibility for certain projects that is new for me and I still have to get used to the fact that I alone am in charge (and responsible) for certain things. I guess I’ve finally gotten a real grown-up job. Took me long enough :-) A few days ago I had a vivid flashback of one of the classic old Grey’s Anatomy voice overs, from episode 1.05
Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you’d get a bike for your birthday or if you’d get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult? Totally overrated.
I mean seriously, don’t be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks.
Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you’re training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn’t it? The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.
I don’t have to hold human hearts and neither have the responsibility for other people’s lives. Just the usual work stuff, but even after almost eight months on the job a lot of stuff still feels foreign to me. But I guess I’ll have to just dive right in an learn and accept the responsibility. And remember all the other perks of adulthood while doing it…
Responsibility. It really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn’t go away. It can’t be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still adulthood has it perks. I mean the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. That’s, pretty damn good.