This morning I decided to skip NaNoWriMo this year after all. Yeah, I know I’m going back and forth on this issue and to be honest on so many others as well. I really don’t like that about myself and I don’t know where that’s coming from or if I have always been this flighty.
I’m know to procrastinate and for reasons still unknown to me postpone things I should do or want to do. But these days it feels like I’m getting interested in stuff or want to do certain things and try things out, but just as quickly as I get these ideas I lose interest or start doubting myself or whatever. Mostly I think it’s the lack of interest. I’m not really hooked on something at the moment, at least not on something creative or productive or healthy in any way. Tweeting and talking about TV shows a lot is neither of the three.
Maybe I was so bend on doing NaNoWriMo this year to spite this tendency of getting interested and not following through. And I know giving up on NaNo before it even started is kind of proving the point of this dilemma. But the thing is, I just hadn’t felt the writing bug with this story idea that I decided on at last, as I had felt it last year. I could do NaNo with this idea and I might even have fun, but I feel like would only do it to do it and not because I felt the need to tell this particular story. Or any story at all. I don’t know.
What I do know is, that I’m very flighty these days and I don’t like it, but forcing myself to write 50.000 words of a story I’m not really feeling the need to tell, might not be the right way to deal with this flighty-ness. Is that even a word?
I’m planning to use the November hours I would have spent frantically writing to still do something productive. At the moment I think that might be a return to more regular blog posts, because if I thought I’d be able to make myself sit down and put words on the screen for a novel I should be able to do the same thing for my blog, right? Or anything else.
I’m also determined to pick up my studying again and put some real effort into it. Same thing: If I would have found 1-2 hours each day to write, I should also be able to find this time to be productive and read study material and research topics for term papers and such. I really want to do better with this and maybe the NaNo-idea of doing something productive for 30 days will help with this. At least I will try to hold it over my head everytime I feel myself slacking.
Maybe I should blog about these endeavours to be more productive every day of November. I probably tried to so something like this, holding myself accountable and all, so I almost don’t trust myself to actually try do it again. But I really hope that one of these days I’ll drop the bad and unhealthy (mentally, mostly) habit of being so flighty and instead stay focused and follow through with things. Maybe this November will be the time? Wish me luck…
I honestly don’t know how this will affect this blog, except that I’ll try to write more about … whatever. Hopefully something useful and interesting. Or maybe I’m just swooooning over new photos of Sam Heughan in a kilt ;-) ?