How can January already be over *sigh*? On the bright side: Only one more week till London! Yay! Here are some of the tweets that cheered me up during this long and busy first month of 2014.
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Fuck. I hate it when I get a phone call that hangs up before I can answer it. I always think it’s me from the future, trying to warn me.
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) January 3, 2014
I was going to spend this morning procrastinating, but I’ve decided to do that tomorrow, instead.
— Lee Harris (@LeeAHarris) January 3, 2014
Ein Testament sollte sicherheitshalber immer mit “Mein Leben soll niemals mit Adam Sandler in der Hauptrolle verfilmt werden” beginnen.
— Gebbi Gibson (@GebbiGibson) January 4, 2014
The 3 grandest questions of life: Who are we? Why are we here? What wouldn’t Meatloaf do for love?
— Bobby Goepfert (@GeffMan47) January 9, 2014
The grass really IS always greener on the other side of the fence, but only because that crazy fucker pays thousands for lawn care.
— Shannon Gilmartin (@McDreamyBiker) January 9, 2014
Sometimes when I’m reading on Kindle and I get to a multi-highlighted spot, I nod. Sometimes I think, “You all read this drunk, didn’t you?”
— Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom) January 13, 2014
After a weekend of shitty hotel food, eating vegetables is basically better than sex.
— Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) January 20, 2014
Before you rush to judge Justin Bieber, take a minute to laugh very hard.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 23, 2014
Hiding from all forms of exercise. Have gone into the fitness protection programme.
— Andrea Gillies (@andreagillies) January 26, 2014
I will always replace an empty toilet paper roll, but I will always feel self-righteous about it.
— Anna Halligan (@AnnamalHalligan) January 28, 2014
Am I the only one who occasionally thinks, “Wow. Some of the atoms in my body probably used to be part of a dinosaur!” ?
— ariaadagio (@ariaadagio) January 28, 2014
Sicher holt mein NSA-Agent gerade Popcorn und Kollegen vor das Bild meiner gehackten Kamera: “Achtung, jetzt versucht er wieder Captchas!”
— Gebbi Gibson (@GebbiGibson) January 28, 2014
In Dutch, Thursday is called “donderdag.” All other languages can pack up and go home now.
— Nein. (@NeinQuarterly) January 30, 2014
Synonym: A word used in place of the one you can’t spell.
— Meanwhile in Canada (@MeanwhileinCana) January 30, 2014
People defending Bieber keep saying “think back to when you were 19” so then I do and I fall asleep because it was so mild and innocent.
— John Gallagher, Jr. (@JohnGallagherJr) January 30, 2014
There are some people in service industries that make me want to plead "How exactly did I wrong you in a previous life?"
— Johnny Vegas (@JohnnyVegasReal) January 31, 2014
I don't have notifications set for Twitter.
I feel so Amish.
— delene miller (@DeleneMiller) January 31, 2014