Taking today off from work was such a wonderful idea. I slept in and finally caught up on sleep after a busy week. I’ve been quite lazy all day, except for a trip to the supermarket and I’ll have to get my car through the car wash this afternoon as well, before I’m off to a watch a hockey match tonight.
I’m not sure if I will start with NaNoWriMo at midnight or if I will go to bed to be able to get up early-ish and take the first step to tackle the 50.000 words in the morning? I don’t really feel prepared for this endeavour, at least not the way I did when I participated in 2012. Back then I had all chapters thought out and had written out tons of details about my characters and all. I still gave up on writing the novel half-way through so being prepared wasn’t really a guarantee for success. I’m not sure if the opposite approach will actually work better, but I’m willing to try.
To be honest, I’m forcing myself to try it that way. And it puts me way out of my comfort zone and a lot of times I’m really anxious and the voices in my head tell I will totally fail anyway, but I’m determined to not listen to those voices this time. I’m getting a bit better at it over time, I think. Or at least I hope that I am. At least I’m more aware of these negative and judgy thoughts. And more often than not I manage to ignore them or to at least not give them to much reign of my general way of thinking about this NaNo idea.
For instance: Yes, the 50.000 words I’m planning to write will probably not be perfect. Most Some of it will probably be really shitty. But… every first draft is supposed to suck. Because it’s a draft! And you can work on and improve a draft. And it will get better and better with every revision. A few years ago my spirit would have been crushed after the first few “your writing is going to suck” thoughts and I would have let those stop me from even trying. But not this time.
I’m ready! Even if I at the same time feel woefully unprepared :-) At least this morning I finally managed to break down some of the plot points that were buzzing around in my head down and put them into writing.