The Way My Mind Works (About Work)

“Work weeks make us weary now”
(Dan’s Song ~ Frank Turner, 2009)

I think I did pretty well today navigating the “Men’s World” and we did make some good progress on a project. I also managed to tie up some lose ends on some other stuff I was working on and even though it was a long and busy day I should be glad and content that I accomplished some things. And I am.
But there was another smaller issue at work I have to react to tomorrow and that’s dragging me down a bit, because I once again feel like I messed up something and now have to backtrack and justify my decision to do something the way I decided to do it. Yes, very, very cryptic, I know. I can’t share any details though.

Anyway, it’s bugging me for two reasons: a) that I let this one smaller thing overshadow the rather good productive day I had and b) that I immediately question my ability to make the right decision in my professional life. That I feel like I have to justify what I do. Because every time I (feel like I) have to justify a decision of mine, I get insecure about the decision in the first place and am afraid that this will now finally uncover that I’m just a fraud and have no idea what I’m doing there and so forth. It can be a vicious circle…

The one good thing is, that from experience I know that all this doubts and insecurities about this one particular instance right now, will pass and I will see that I was worried for (almost) nothing, because all in all I know I’m doing a good job.

In the interest of full disclosure: I wrote “I’m not doing a bad job” first, which might give you a tiny insight into my mind. Yes, I’m in a chatty sharing mood today, it seems…

Full disclosure, part 2: I know the lyrics fit the topic of this post only loosely, but there were the only Frank Turner ones I could think of from the top of my head. And they fit my state of my mind, because I’m sooooo tired after work these days :-)

Six more days to go and then I’m off for two glorious weeks…

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