Happy 4th July, if you’re celebrating in the US. Or if you are from the US and are celebrating anywhere else in the world. Scotland, for instance. (Yes, looking at you Terry and Ron! But who am I kidding, they are not going to read this here *g*). Anyway… here are some Twitter favourites from June. A few days late. I blame the current heat wave.
Two rules of the internet: Do Not Engage, and Don’t Read the Comments. There; I just increased your happy by 50%, at least. :)
— Lani Diane Rich (@LaniDianeRich) June 3, 2015
Horror film idea: Everyone in Britain wakes up and, inexplicably, has forgotten how to queue.
— Jonathan Roberts (@TheSarcasticOwl) June 6, 2015
The thing that Twitter has taught me, above all other things, is that a surprising number of people do not have any sense of humour.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) June 6, 2015
I see 2007 and think “oh 3 years ago” and then it hits me that it was 8 fucking years ago.
— Science Eye (@Sci3ye) June 9, 2015
"Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" – Translation: You have two seconds before I crush your bag with my arse
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) June 10, 2015
Like Schadenfreude, the English language doesn't have a word for 'inexcusably watching a telly programme you vehemently dislike'.
— Greig Liddell (@greig1297) June 13, 2015
My parents just finished @jojomoyes ' Me Before You on audiobook & I don't think they'll ever forgive me for ruining their road trip.
— Heidi (@HeidiRochelle) June 14, 2015
Immer, wenn sich eine Tür schließt, öffnet sich eine andere. Daraus ruft Rudi Carrell “Das wäre Ihr Preis gewesen!” und wirft sie wieder zu.
— Gebbi Gibson (@GebbiGibson) June 15, 2015
When you give someone a hug, always be the last to let go, you never know how much the other person needs it.
— Giles Paley-Phillips (@eliistender10) June 19, 2015
I always think @POTUS sounds Shakespearean. Potus Andronicus or something.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) June 22, 2015
“Mum, who’s Mrs Hibby?” “I don’t know, where have you heard it” “In Uptown Funk: Jackson, Mrs Hibby”
— headinbook (@headinbook) June 24, 2015
Google will meinen Standort verbessern. Gut, dann wär ich jetzt gern am Meer.
— sΛrt bimpsøn™ (@humorlos4) June 26, 2015
Diese Hilflosigkeit, das Leben zu bewältigen, wenn der Rechner wegen Datenmigration fünf Stunden ausfällt.
— suz (@skeptikantin) June 27, 2015
What is the point of science unless they can cure hiccups.
— Tom Brittney (@tombrittney) June 28, 2015
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) June 29, 2015
Stell eine mathematische Frage auf Twitter, und du merkst: Unter der Oberfläche liegt noch das alte Netz voller Nerds. <3
— Anatol Stefanowitsch (@astefanowitsch) June 30, 2015
"Hobbies are for people who don't read books," said Noel. – CROOKED HEART, Lissa Evans
— Liberty (@MissLiberty) June 30, 2015