Paradox At Work

Ive been back at work for four days now and I’m still not feeling 100% well again. I probably should have tried to get some more sleep – not at work, but at night *g* – which is easier said than done. Local politics stuff to do and great theatre to see and…. what kept me up last night? Oh right, Chocolate Week on the Great British Bake Off!

Work was ok-ish so far, but by the (almost) end of this week I’m once again reminded that if I want to get things done and more importantly if I want to feel like a productive human being at work, I need to take more initiative and be ready to take on more responsibility. The thing is, I’m usually not the first person to do either. Which makes me feel like a living paradox at the moment. No idea how to solve it. Except, probably…. take the iniative, take on responsibility and hope that the good old “fake it, till you make it” still works.

I was also reminded that I need to be more demanding towards one of my coworkers. We actually work close and well together, but there are certain aspects of our projects I think we need to discuss more or in more depth. Or there are things I would like to get his advice on (ok, maybe more than advice) and he’s always so so busy with his own other work. I sometimes feel like he forgets about me or the things we have to work on together and I’m always too diffident to remind him that we need to discuss this or make a decision about that and we don’t discuss or decide and I get home sort of frustrated. And a bit angry at myself for not being more demanding. I know deep down this probably also stems from my self-esteem issues. I really have to work on that….

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