We Remain, We Are Remembered…

So we remain
We are remembered
And though the things we love will be washed away in the rain,
We remain. 
“One Foot Before The Other” ~ Frank Turner, 2011

When I drove to work this morning I was feeling kind of upbeat. Or at least I told my inner critic to shut up and start to be / feel more positive about things. Sometimes I need to remind myself of that and in my mind I already started making the list of good things I wanted to post tonight. I did post this list, even though I don’t feel quite upbeat tonight any more. But I know I should focus and remember the tiny little positive things especially after today, because life’s too short!

When I got to the office I heard the news that my sole co-worker from my previous job (2006 – 2012) had suddenly died on Friday. He was only 55 years old.

My previous boss is someone I still work with in some projects of my current job, so I immediately called her and got some more information. I’m still in kind of a dazed shock and I don’t want to go into details here, because it’s not my story to tell. Even with some health issues he had, his death was very unexpected.

Back then when we worked together, I wrote a few rants about how he drove me crazy with his “just take it easy” work attitude. He actually wasn’t the easiest person to work with. But when he set his mind to something, he accomplished great things even with his “take it easy” attitude. He cared about his work and about what we did and how we did it. Much more important though: he was kind and generous and a downright lovely human being, so I always very quickly forgave him.  His generosity for instance allowed me to have two lovely vacations at the Baltic Sea, when he let me stay in their vacation home for free [The featured photo is from one of those trips].

After I switched jobs I ran into him every once in a while at different work or political events and I always enjoyed meeting him again to catch up and reminisce over the years we shared an office. I hadn’t met him this past year though and actually had planned to drop by his office next week when I was attending a conference in that area. I still can’t quite wrap my head around that he won’t be in his office to chat with. FUCK!

It was hard to focus on my current tasks and projects at work today, because my mind wasn’t really in it. I shared an office with this guy for over six years, which was the longest stretch of time in my career up till this point. It still is actually, as I’ve “only” been in my current job for not quite five years yet.

On my way back home I had some more time to think about why this affects me so much more than any death I’ve learned about in my adult life so far. Other than my dad, who died almost 30 years ago, I’ve so far only lost one uncle whom I haven’t been close to and some family friends from my parents’ generation, which was very sad, but not unexpected, because they all died in their 70s. I only know a very few people my age who have died and I’ve even only been loosely acquainted with those. It was sad to learn of their deaths and I felt sorry for their family and friends, but as I didn’t really know the deceased very well, that was about it.

I realized, I’ve been really blessed in that regard so far. This is actually going to be the first funeral I will attend for someone from my generation whom I’ve known for a while and known well and more important someone I have a real history with. A lovely, cherished, memorable history. 

R.I.P. my dear M.

I’m going to remember you! And I’m going to miss you!

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