Noticeable Change From The Last Decade

What does it feel like
What does it feel like
What is it like to be shameless?
(Be A Freak, ~ Felix Hagan & The Family, 2017) *

Yesterday while I was running errands I did a stupid thing in a parking garage. My mind was busy with the errands I wanted to get done or something else than the immediate process of parking my car. Which is not a good place for your mind to be in, if you operate a vehicle, let me tell you. I spare you the embarrassing details (not quite so shameless yet after all, I guess), but the thing is: 10 or maybe even 5 years ago, I would have been so utterly mortified after. I would have been berating myself for being so stupid. It would have replayed on a loop in my mind. I would have felt the embarrassment on a visceral level for hours or even days. Yesterday… I didn’t. Yes, I had a “Ugh, so typical for you, you’re so stupid” moment for a short while. But I was able to quickly stop that downward spiral of negative thinking. Because it was just a stupid thing I did. It doesn’t mean I am stupid. Nobody got hurt. Nothing got damaged. Besides my ego a tiny bit, but I was over that quickly. Basically I was able to laugh it off. Which… looking back on how I would have handled that a few years ago is HUGE.

This moment also reminded me to be more mindful in my day-to-day-life. Be more present, so that these moments don’t happen too often. But the “not worrying too much about tiny mishaps” is a good feeling and a good state of mind to be in at the end of a decade, I think.

[* The header pic is Felix singing some other words, but those also fit the state of mind I’ve reached by now “Raise your fist up, scream all at once and feel alright”]

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