24.03.2020 | Lost More Than Found

Because I’ve been messing things up,
And I’ve been letting you down,
I’ve been getting it wrong for far too long,
I’ve been lost more than found.
(Little Changes ~ Frank Turner, 2018)

Let’s try some accountability in these strange, strange days.

Sleep vs Activity: I don’t sleep well at the moment. Or to be more precise, I don’t sleep enough, as I woke up rather early each of these past few days and couldn’t be bothered to stay in bed. I don’t feel like I’m too restless at night, but according to my Garmin watch, I don’t get a lot of deep sleep. I guess that’s why I’m quite exhausted all day long. I don’t go out much or am active at home enough either, which in some way might be cause and effect of my exhaustion if that makes sense. I don’t know.

Anxiety Level: Mmmh, I probably should introduce some sort of scale for this. Or maybe not. The weird thing is, I’m not consciously worried about myself or my family. We’re doing the social distancing, we all have safe jobs, we’re not lacking anything. It’s just the general feeling of dread and catastrophe all over which seem to weigh so heavy on my mind. The bloody uncertainty and the speed in which it all escalated, is what I have a hard time wrapping my head around. I’ve always been a “worrier”, so living through a global pandemic is not helping. I’m spacing out quite a bit and I have a hard time to get motivated to do anything. Or anything productive anyway. I find it difficult to focus on work stuff as well to be honest and I’m glad we’re by now all been sent home with the request to work as well as we can, but not with any requirements other than be reachable on the phone during regular office hours.

Stuff I did today: I will not list all the mindless, useless stuff I did, but try to list some of the (tiny) accomplishments. Might feel silly to some, but bear with me

  • Meditated before checking any social media.
  • Sat down to work (more or less productively) for about 5 hours today.
  • Made me some proper lunch.
  • Did one load of laundry and ran the dishwasher, which I need to do so much more often these days with having three full meals at home *g*. Still haven’t emptied it yet though.
  • Finally sorted the mess on my coffee table.
  • Also sorted out my feedreader. Does anyone else even uses RSS feedreaders anymore? I still like that it’s all neatly bundled up in one place.
  • Went for a 15 minutes walk.
  • Been moderately successful in limiting my phone (as in Twitter, Instagram, playing games) time. At least compared to previous days.
  • Wrote a blog post.

Positivity: I haven’t done a Positive Things post in the last two weeks. Probably because dread had filled most of my waking hours.

  • Accomplishing all of the above
  • Frank Turner joined Max at the Flatten The Curve Music Lesson on Insta Live today
  • Richard Rankin did a first photography tutorial on Insta Live
  • I wrote a blog post :-) 

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