01.05.2020 | It Comes In Waves II

Because broken people can get better, if they really want to,
Or at least that’s what I have to tell myself if I am hoping to survive.

(Recovery ~ Frank Turner, 2013)

Yes, I’m in that mode again today. And I have no idea if there is a point to this post other than just fill this space and not just make it all about music Frank Turner again. (There might be another post about that later or tomorrow). Emotionally and mentally it’s still ups and downs here and I’m slowly coming to term with that. There are more ups than downs by now, which feels kind of nice all in all. Today was a bit of a gloomy day though as I was sitting and chatting – 6 feet apart – with my over 80 years old mum for a bit. While she has her cardiac, hip replacement, general old age issues, she still has full mental capacity and she told me yet another tale from people around her age who we know quite well, who are starting to suffer from dementia and it’s sad. And I would have loved to hug her and comfort her a bit, but I didn’t dare to for obvious reasons. So I just tried to with comforting words, but it’s not the same…

Seven or however many weeks in I’ve tuned out of most news stations / newspapers by now. I get glimpse on Twitter (my one addiction, though I’m better with it by now) and I check the news once or twice a day briefly. I try to keep up with my daily newspaper but also focus on all the articles not about the pandemic. It seems like I still can’t quite focus on new TV shows or at least they don’t grab my attention as well as they possibly would have done before all this. I watched the first two episodes of “The English Game” and liked them alright, though I’m not sure I like the mixture of historic class conflict, social commentary and sport history. I haven’t really ‘bonded’ with any character yet either. I don’t want to give up on it yet though. This morning I watched the first episode of “Never Have I Ever”, because the trailer looked promising: three nerdy teenage girls on a mission to become more cool in school. The first episode was ok so I might watch another one. Not quite so sure if it’s funny / serious enough to keep my attention. Ugh, I’m such a high maintenance audience these days and then I’ll return to Stars Hollow over and over because it’s comforting and familiar. I don’t make apologies for that though. Anything that helps to get us through this, right?

I’ve started reading a bit more as well, thought right now I haven’t picked up the book I’m currently reading for a few days. No idea why as I actually liked the story so far. I was rather busy with work and errands and some local politic work this week, which was nice in a way as it kept me busy and my mind occupied. Quite a bit still feels overwhelming and I need to be better organized and more self-confident, but that not something that comes easily for me. Step by step I guess.

The Frank Turner post I mentioned above will be a review of the Live Album after all and I started it a few days ago, then got too busy / distracted / gloomy; take your pick… all or either one or each of them on rotation. I won’t finish that tonight though. I didn’t sleep all that well or long today and I’m feeling rather knackered already. So I guess I’ll be in bed soon after Felix Friday… 

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