I still have to post some photos from the Stockholm trip and I had really planned to do that this week. But then two different and totally unrelated events kept me or at least my mind busy. First and most important: I have a job interview on Monday for the job I applied for in April. Yay!
I admit it doesn’t come as such a big surprise because it’s a job in public administration and those employers are required to interview every applicants with a certified disabilty, unless the applicant clearly does not meet any of the necessary requirements. But I do meet some or even most of the requirements and I hope that I can make up for the skills or knowledge I don’t have yet in an interview. That was the whole plan of including the disabilty information ;-)
I got the call about the interview on Monday and since then I’ve been a strange combination of nervous and optimistic and anxious and unconcerned and… anything on the wide scale of emotions. I started to brush up my genereal knowledge of this field of work and to gather information about this particular job and employer. I also pulled up the old folder on my harddrive containing all kind of stuff from former job searches. I haven’t done a job interview in a long time and I have to start all over. Putting together a short self-presentation and answers to all the usual questions of job interviews. Well, to be honest I haven’t started putting those together yet, just read up again on what to expect in a job interview. I guess I will be cramming the next three days, but I don’t mind that much, because a) it’s for something I really want and b) I’ve got a safety net to fall back into, so I don’t have to be too worried. I’ll be a wreck the closer I get to the interview, but right now I’m surprisingly calm. I didn’t even let my co-worker’s or my mom’s doubt get to me. Both of them were wondering if I would really leave a pretty safe and solid job for a two-year contract somewhere else and without a safety net for the time when my contract is up. Now when I’m typing this down it is starting to get to me, because it might be a stupid idea, considering my disease might progress faster over the next two years and I might be unable to find a job again which offers a similar safety than my current job does.
But I DO NOT want to think like that for several reasons. I don’t want my disease to govern my life and my decisions. It already influences it more than enough without me accomodating it further more. And yes, it could work out bad for me but I’m trying so hard to be more optimistic in all aspects of my life, that I do not want to fall back into the “glass not half-full, but completely empty and the water has been turned off” way of thinking that has been and in some parts still is such a big part of my personality. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing a job that I always said wouldn’t be forever. A job that is ok and pays ok, but doesn’t really pay all that well, because I’m over-qualified for the position I’m filling. I don’t mind doing the job, but I’m not overly motivated either. And I think if I let my fears and doubts (and other persons’ doubts and concerns) hold me back I know I will regret it. I’ve been at my current job for over six years and I’m starting to notice how my motivation to do a good job at this job is dwindling away. I don’t like that about myself and I’d like to change that. I could change my attitude towards my current job of course, but I’d rather try to find a job that is better suited, that fits my qualifications and that I would enjoy doing much more than the one I’m doing now.
So, I’m determined to keep my eyes open for other job opportunities and to take every chance I get to make a change. I might not be bold enough to just quit my job like a friend of mine did a few years ago (she found a better job within weeks and now is once again looking for a change. So I know I’m not the only one). And I’m determined to make the best of the interview on Monday. I hope I can keep this cool over the next few days ;-)
The other things that kept me busy: Reading “Straight Lies”, a wonderful hilariously funny novel about gay small-time criminals trying to pull off a big heist in New York. Some novels start a movie in my mind right away and this was one of them, because I think it’s great movie material, although I doubt any studio would be willing to risk their money. It’s a pretty gay after all ;-) Anyway, in “my” moview I casted Patrick Dempsey as one of the main characters and Ryan Gosling as his partner in crime (and love). And once I’ve “casted” those two I couldn’t stop myself and attached faces I like to see on the big screen to all the other characters as well. So the “Straight Lies” movie in my mind starred: Patrick Dempsey, Ryan Gosling, Lauren Graham (it was Allison Janney first, but I like Lauren better in general), Amy Adams, Jude Law, Danny deVito, Kevin Costner, Brad Pitt and Robert Downey Jr.. Ambitious casting for a movie about a gay crime caper. But it was all just in my mind, so I can be as ambitious as I want to be. And not all characters in this novel are gay/lesbian after all. But most of them are LOL
The third and last thing that kept me busy (and will continue to keep me busy tomorrow) was speculating about the Grey’s finale on twitter. I think the direct communication on twitter is one of the major reasons why the speculating went so out of hands to start with :-) I remember being equally obsessed with the S3 premiere, but that was only because I had just become a fan that summer (and had watched S1 + S2 within a few weeks). And it’s different now, because I’m not that invested anymore and because I already know that the main characters I care about, have renewed their contracts. So they won’t die in the finale. Might be badly hurt and battered and bruised, but they wil be back. At least we can be pretty sure they will. So… the speculating is fun though and even more fun is the making fun of the plane crash promo. And Cristina’s shoe.
I usually don’t mind being spoiled before watching an episode and I usually am, because I can’t stay off twitter or blogs until I find the time to watch the episode. This time though I think it would be weird to read about it all before I can see it. So I’m trying to catch it live and I hope it will work. At the moment it looks like it. And that also means I’m off to bed now because I’m planning to be awake again in less than four hours ;-)
Good luck tomorrow!