My two weeks of vacation are almost over and I feel like I haven’t used this time as good as I had wanted to. Or had planned to. Or had thought I should use it. I don’t know. I’d like to blame the crappy winter weather for it, but I guess it’s the just that subconscious doubt about so many things and doubts about myself that got me stuck. Or to make it even more complicated: didn’t help me to get unstuck, because I felt stuck before. It’s difficult to express because I’m not really sure what’s the source of all this.
I wanted to use this time off to get to the bottom of these weird feelings, like dedicate some of this time to try to figure a few things out. But I didn’t. Maybe because I was afraid of what I would find out and of not knowing how to deal with whatever I find out. Probably. Wow, that sounds all so melodramatic, which the situation actually isn’t. I’m just feeling a bit … off. I guess, that’s the best way to describe it. And now I think I’m starting to repeat myself and that’s no use.
I had hoped that 750words.com would help me to get to the source of the problem, but even though it helped a bit, it didn’t really bring me any closer to a solution.
One thing I did manage to do – or at least announce – was to finally go through with my decision to leave Facebook. I’ll be closing my account by the end of next week and have announced it (in German) to the few people I actually communicate with on FB. I only use FB to keep up with some of my (online) and real life friends who post a few things from their lives, reviews, rants, comments, the usual stuff, people post on FB. I didn’t want to be kept out of the loop from that, because I do care about these friends and what they are up to. But I hardly ever use FB for that stuff myself, I’ve got Twitter for that. I joined FB because my bosses back then thought we should be more active on FB, but then we never really were. And now I’ve got another job alltogether, so…
I prefer Twitter over FB for various reasons. To be honest, I don’t like FB at all. It’s just not my thing and now I’ve reached the point where keeping in the loop with parts of my friends’ lives doesn’t make up for my reluctance to even log into FB. And I decided to just not wanting to do that anymore. There are other ways to stay in touch and if I miss out on some of the stuff, well, so be it.
Might I regret that decision some day? Maybe. But for now it feels like the right decision for me and that’s all that matters. Or that should matter to me at least. “choose to be me, to be free, to be my way…” and all :-)
I spent a lot of time during these past two weeks reading Anne Perry’s Monk series, but I plan to write another post about that today. If I wasn’t overly productive in regards to the grad school assignment, at least I’m planning to be productive now and blog some more at least. There are still almost 10 days of Scotland vacation to write about and to share photos of, so that’s on the agenda for later today. It’s not like I had two weeks of vacation during which I had time to actually post losts of those. But then there was the Monk series to catch up on and… :-)