Jumble of Thoughts 015

I think, the longer I’m not writing here on my blog, the more the blank screen and/or to see some of my thoughts put into words scares me.
Not because these are terrible, bad, sad or whatever thoughts. Just ordinary every-day thoughts. I honestly have no idea where this is coming from. Maybe it’s really just the blank screen that terrifies me. And of course the “who on earth should be interested in what YOU have to say, anyway?” doubts and all that crap. I actually thought I had left that behind me, but obviously not.

I’m too tired and too lazy to compile a real “jumble of thoughts” post, so this is more like a “bullet list” of thoughts. Reminds of the unfinished post about my take on the “bullet journal” concept.

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Tomorrow is a public holiday in Germany and I’m off work on Friday as well, which means “4 day weekend” starting today. Yay. I’ll be busy setting up my new computer though. I’ll try to get outdoors for a bit as well, especially tomorrow as there might be rain on Friday and the weekend.

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These last few days I was starting to get second thoughts about taking part in NaNoWriMo this year. I had actually planned to do it and to write the story I already had wanted to write during CampNaNo in July, when I had worked on last year’s NaNo story instead. But since July I seem to have lost interest in this idea or maybe I just didn’t really get the hang of it. It had seemed like a great idea in July, but now it only feels boring and generic. So I had actually planned to not participate in NaNo this year.

Until all of a sudden I had a really, really crazy idea for a story. Something I never considered writing or even plotting or imagining. Which makes it even more interesting and challenging. I wrote my story in English last year and I had planned to write in English again this year. With this new story idea though I most probably will go with my native language, German, because it’s so much easier to let it play out in Germany, a country and society I really know.
To write the plot I want to write is challenging enough without having to do tons of research about geography, society etc. in the UK or USA. It would be really weird to write a story in English about something that takes place in Germany. And let’s face it, as much as I love to read and write in English, my writing will most probably be better in my native tongue. So it’s going to be in German. Most probably.

On the one hand I would really like to start writing or at least planning in detail right away. I could work on the plot and various elements before November and I did that extensively with my story last year. On the other hand I’m afraid too much planning and plotting in advance might restrict me in just exploring what might come from this one tiny fleeting idea. I feel like this is a story that has to write itself or I at least have to let happen, while I write it and not plan out the plot in advance. Of course I have a few vague ideas of the plot or what will happen, but I don’t want to elaborate that in advance, because maybe the story will take me to a totally different place and I really want to just go with the flow on this one.

I really hope I can keep the idea alive in my mind, without thinking and planning too much about it. It’s going to be an interesting October, I think :-)

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Work is still the same. Still busy, still interesting and still nice to work for, even though I have to fight a lot of self-doubts recently, but that’s a topic for another post. Maybe…

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