Ramblings… Mostly of the “Emo” Kind

I had such high hope for this first week of my long vacation. For all of the vacation to be honest. Catching up on sleep was on top of my list to do and I more or less failed to achieve that so far, because my mind just won’t stop rambling. Worrying. Fretting. Judging (myself). Wondering. Doubting…. you get the idea. I kept thinking “the week on Jersey will do the trick and you will feel more relaxed, calmer etc.” but by now I’m afraid I’m putting too much pressure on that lovely tiny little island and on myself :-) A change of scenery can work wonders, but it’s not a magic trick and I’m afraid I might just pack all my negative thoughts in my suitcase and bring them along. So to speak. Let’s just hope they will get lost somewhere along the way… *sigh*

More rambling thoughts…

I spent the day with my Mom yesterday, taking her to the doctor and to some shops and out to lunch. It’s a bit scary to see how much I am like her, in the worrying, doubting, wavering way. It was a bit like looking into a mirror, even though she is worrying and wavering over so very different things. Still…
The upside might be, that I recognize these behaviours in myself and am willing to overcome them and be a less worrying and more life-affirming person. At least I’m determined to and that’s a good first step, right?

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I’m considering a change in my MS medication from Tysabri to Gilenya. [I wrote more about Tysabri and my health in this loooong post 3.5 years ago] It’s not an easy decision – in fact, it’s been weighing on my mind and probably weighing me down for weeks now – because Tysabri is kind of the wonder drug. I haven’t had one relapse during the 3+ years under Tysabri. But these years also put me in the high-risk group for the very serious, potentially fatal PML by now and with a 1:200 risk spelled out for me, that scares me. A lot. The other medication Gilenya is not without risks either, so it’s a choice between a rock and a hard place and how do you choose in a situation like that? I’m leaning towards switching to Gilenya at the moment, but will have to discuss it with the MS nurse some more when I go back for my next Tysabri IV.

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Three months after I have read MOBY (aka Outlander Book 8) I’ve started listening to the audio book and I’m amazed how much stuff I have already forgotten of this last book’s events. I blame Diana Gabaldon for putting so many interesting characters and storylines in one book and to drop plot bombs every few chapters *ggg*. Seriously, even though I should know it all by now and I remember most of it, of course, there are some scenes that catch me by surprise and make shivers run down my spine and I love it. And of course there are the scenes I DO remember and they still make me stop dead in my tracks, because the thing that is happening or revealed is so awesome :-)

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Writing this post was interrupted by following the #AskOutlander Twitter chat with Tobias Menzies and now I should really finish start packing my suitcase and grab some supper. And try to go to bed at a reasonable hour to get some sleep, which brings me back to the beginning of this post :-)

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1 Response to Ramblings… Mostly of the “Emo” Kind

  1. JustHeather says:

    I’m about halfway through with MOBY and LOVING it!!!! I re-read all books and was totally shocked at how much I had forgot in book 7. (I had only read that one once and all others twice before.) Also, even though I had read the previous ones a couple of times, I still LOL and cried during several scenes that I remember doing the exact same before. Such amazing stories and writing!

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