Things didn’t kill me but I don’t feel stronger
(If Ever I Stray ~ Frank Turner, 2011)
That (smaller) issue at work I wrote about here and here… not so small after all. At least not in my mind. And not in reality.
Probably Maybe not as huge an issue / deal / problem, as I make it up to be in my mind, but the recent development has really screwed up my whole day today. And it sucks, that I react to those kind of things in such a visceral way. And that I’m not sure yet to which extent I should worry for real.
But worry is all I do at the moment. About if I did something wrong. About if I really did, if the folks at work will have my back? I know my coworkers do, but they are not the people in charge ultimatively. And then there is this whole worst-scenarios-movie playing in an endless loop in my mind. I hate it.
I sometimes just wish I’d be better at this whole “being a grown-up” thing.
I know it’s all very cryptic, but that’s just the way it has to be…
[More MicroblogMondays at Mel’s blog]
I too always wish I were better at the whole “being a grown-up” thing. I cannot fathom that I’m in my mid-40s already; I still feel 18 inside! Life’s too short to focus on a silly number though. So while I try to believe that I can handle all the grown-up problems that life throws at me, I wish I didn’t have to handle them at all. Alas, such is the desire of many of us. One day at a time. One step at a time. One moment at a time. That is the best we can do, some days.
I am also going through a time period where I am finding it very difficult to be an adult. Sending deep, calming breaths while you figure out what is what at work.
I often find myself yelling “I need an adult!” and only half-joking about it. :p