This will be one of the maybe slightly incoherent introspective post, I sometimes need to write. I know I could just jot it all down in a private journal, but where is the fun in that :-)? Either way I feel like I need to get it out of my system before I start writing the positive post I had actually intended and still plan to write today or tomorrow.
So… I will start with stating: I’m hypocrite. And I’m really sorry for that. And I will try to do better in the future. Be More Kind and all that. The weird thing, me being a hypocrite wasn’t even the beginning of the spiral of thoughts that prompted this post. This post was meant to entangle my weird strands of emotions and thoughts (and everything in between, because often enough emotions and thoughts are invariably linked) after I read a negative Facebook comment about a piece of art. A piece of art I actually love a lot! Oh well, let’s not beat around the bush: Of course I’m talking about Frank Turner’s new song “Be More Kind”. Like I said, there will be an extra post about why I love that song so much. I read a lot of praise for the song and this official album version. But among all those lovely reactions, the one comment that stayed with me was from someone who didn’t like it and went to length to explain what is all wrong with the song and the lyrics and so forth. All this stayed in the back of my mind. Nagging me.
It was one of these weird experiences in which I actually KNOW I shouldn’t give a fuck. That there will always be a difference of opinion about art. About music. Movies. TV. Books. Anything. We can’t all like the same stuff. I still have no idea why this one comment bothered me so much, especially even though I knew from the beginning that it shouldn’t. So far I have traced my unrest with this comment back to the irrational reaction of having my enjoyment of this song somewhat invalidated by this one seemingly distinct analysis why this song is rather generic and bland and not the masterpiece of song writing / arrangement I consider it to be.
I had similar experiences before, mostly when I talked to people in real life about novels or TV shows I love (Jojo Moyes, Outlander series – both books and TV). This experience when the big bubble of fangirly excitement gets deflated by a throw away comment or snide remark. Like I stated above: I know, I shouldn’t care about that and should be much more confident in my own judgement. I have every right and reason to like and enjoy whatever kind of art I want to. Just because somebody else might think differently doesn’t mean I have bad taste or no taste or whatever. But… that’s easier said than done. Say Hello to my unfounded insecurities ;-). Even when my mind knows for a fact, that I shouldn’t care about what other people think, my gut and nerves don’t always get the message. All day this negative comment stayed with me and I felt like I needed to defend why I like the song so much. Which led to some internal monologue in which I come up with all the good reasons to explain why it is a great piece of art. And that was a lot of time and mental energy wasted on something that shouldn’t and doesn’t matter.
Spending time and mental energy on writing a complete blog post now might seem counter-intuitive. The thing is though: I’m not writing this to defend my opinion, but – like I said above – to untangle these thoughts and emotions and to get to the root of my gut instinct reaction of this one negative Facebook comment bothering me so much. And I hope with putting it all down here, I’ve worked through my issues and can be done with it.
The hypocrite thing? While I was pondering how to write about this all on my drive home from work, I also recalled the many moments in which I online and sometimes maybe even in direct face-to-face communication have talked smack about things which were liked by those people I communicated with in that instance. I know I sometimes did it in jest. More often I probably did it from lack of consideration or by trying to be especially witty. I have no idea if I’ve ever burst some fan’s happy bubble of excitement with my tweets / comments. I’m sorry, if I did. And like I’ve also stated above: I will try to do better and be more kind in the future. That also includes to be more kind to (and less hard on) myself, which is still an ongoing challenge, I’m afraid…