“We Spent Our Energy Getting Angry Instead Of Being Kinder…”

I could have chosen any other photo as this post is not about Frank or his music. What a surprise *g* Except of course for the title being a quote from “Little Changes”. I thought I can at least give you a snapshot of him singing and dancing the song then :-)

When I drove back home from work this afternoon, I thought I’d be clever and avoid some congested streets by passing my regular exit from the motorway. Fully aware that the motorway junction I’d have to get off then, might be a bit jammed as well, because of a traffic jam on the other motorway. I was willing to take that risk. And lost. Big time! I got stuck completely for various reasons and got back to my town about 45 minutes after I would have had I stayed on my regular route.

For quite some time stuck on that motorway junction I was feeling so very angry. Not at other drivers or “the universe”, but at myself for having made that route change decision in the first place. Really, really angry on a visceral level and the older I get the more emotional I seem to become. Emotional in the sense of feeling angry tears well up. I think I well up an average amount when I’m sad or see something sad on TV / movie screen or read a sad book. But when I’m angry (with myself) it opens the floodgates. I have no idea why.

I spent quite some time getting and being angry at myself and I might not have called myself names as I don’t really “talk to” myself, but there were all kinds of negative and selfdeprecating thoughts running through my mind. Until I realized it was all just in my head (literally) and I needed to take a step back and look at the situation more objectively. Just this afternoon I talked to my coworkers about re-evaluating your priorities in case of personal (direct or indirect) tragedy. So what’s the big deal about being stuck in a traffic jam for 45 minutes? It’s a nuisance, even if you got yourself into this mess, but in the big scheme of things…. ? So irrelevant and nothing worth getting worked up over. I also realized (once again) that I would never talk so negatively to friends who by their own mistake got themselves stuck in a traffic jam. I’d be sympathetic. I’d be kind. Why can’t I offer the same degree of sympathy and kindness to myself? Thoughts to ponder for a while. But nothing new to be honest as I know that’s something I need to be working on.

Let’s end this sort of downer post with some random stats and observations.

Sleep (is for the week?): 5h 30 minutes. I definitely need more sleep.

Time behind the wheel: Way to a work meeting in the morning, from there to the office and from there through the traffic jam back home… Almost 3 hours probably. Ugh!

Articles read in digital newspaper? Five maybe. I’m so behind on my or any news. It’s a bit pathetic.

Songs I immediately like on the new Mumford & Sons album? 3-4 maybe. A few more sound alright at first listen on Spotify. I still miss the banjos. I most probably will still buy the album.

Tiny tasks I had postponed for too long and finally got done today? Three It only took quick phonecalls, but I’m a procrastinator, so…

Been More Kind? Not to myself that much, as might have been obvious from this whole post. I did mostly ok with others, I think. I hope.

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