13.02.2020 | 21st Century Survival Blues

I’ve got the Twenty-First Century survival blues;
A generation raised up without paying its dues,
Comfortable enough to play around with doubt
Without knowing how to survive when the lights go out.
(The Twenty-First Century Survival Blues ~ Frank Turner, 2018)

The lights have not quite gone out yet, but still… this turned into scary times quickly, doesn’t it? Good news among all the scary ones: this morning I could think about what I’m going to miss without tears welling up, so that was progress. It was the absolute right decision to make for me. I didn’t loose too much money on this or at least none that would hurt me. I got a partial refund for the train. I might get a refund for my AirBnB if the host can rent the available room out again.

I had a long and busy day at the office, which distracted me quite a bit. I had comfort ice-cream. I watched vintage “Gilmore Girls” while mindlessly scrolling through newsfeeds for way too long this afternoon / evening until I realized I’m turning into a lazy slob and that’s not what I had planned for this three day weekend at home. There is so much I could and should do: cleaning my windows, for instance, doing my taxes… I hope to get going with these kind of things tomorrow. Tonight I think I might want to stay in this weird hybrid of feeling gloomy, but still glad I made the right call. I had thought I might want to avoid Frank’s music this weekend to not add to the gloomy sad FOMO feeling. But I changed my mind quickly, because whether I had to cancel a gig or not, Frank’s music is still my happy comfort place! Why should I deprive myself from that.

And we need comfort in these scary, scary times. I still can’t wrap my head around how quickly this situation escalated. Even though the signs were there in China and Italy. Looking back now it feels weird that we didn’t take measures sooner. I’m glad this is happening now, even though I know it’s going to be incredible hard for so many people in so many different fields. I talked to some people from the arts & culture sector this afternoon and they gave me an insight into what this might mean for them financially. And they are not the only freelancers. They are all over in all areas who are no affect with locking down life as we know it. Heartbreaking.

When I started this post I had a few other thoughts on my mind as well, but I somehow lost the plot. Oh well… I’ve got enough time to blog in the next three days.

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