01.04.2020 | It Comes In Waves…

What to say in my defence? I was imperfect, tense.
I used to have such balance, but I don’t know where it went.
So won’t you be my present sense?
(Imperfect Tense ~ Frank Turner, 2008)

The day started alright. I didn’t sleep all that well and I didn’t do any chores or a workout, but I finished the very nice “If I Never Met You” by Mhairi McFarlane right after breakfast. I cut down on my coffee habit and was rather productive home office work wise. Compared to previous days anyway. I didn’t check the news too often and I didn’t feel too anxious neither.

And then I talked to my supervisor on the phone and he pointed out an error I made this morning, nothing serious, nothing to worry about and he did it in a nice way. And I still almost lost it. I got equally snippy and tearful (not that he noticed as it was just a quick call). But I hate that I’m so so so much more sensitive these days and so quickly start crying angry, frustrated, scared tears. I hate it.

The work from home part of the day ended with a nice quick chat with a colleague in the PR department about something they have to do for us on short notice. It’s no problem and all will be fine; another thing I was (sub)consciously worrying about, I guess.

I’ve been trying to not think too much about all the things I had planned for this year or thought about planning and now can’t because we have no way of knowing when this all be over or at least somewhat normal again. Buying a new car. Going on vacation. All those events that you can put in your calendar with a fixed date or a clear schedule. I manage to suppress thinking about this stuff most of the time, but every once in a while the thoughts pop up and make me anxious again.

Let’s end this with a few more positive things from today, besides the lovely novel I mentioned above.

  • One task I worried about at work was solved (the PR thing above)
  • Franzi did an Insta Live with playing cover songs and she played Felix Hagan’s “Songs in the Dark” for me
  • Frank Turner is doing another online solo show tomorrow
  • Felix Hagan is also doing another online solo Show on Friday
  • It’s been a lovely sunny day (I didn’t see too much of it, as I stayed mostly indoors), but still…
  • Tomorrow is a new day to start over… :-)
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