31.05.2020 | End Of The Month Ramblings…

It’s true that you can’t change the weather
But you can go out, shout down tornadoes and laugh
(The World’s Yours ~ Felix Hagan & The Family, 2017)

May has almost passed. We’re still in some sort of ‘lock down’, though it was never really called that in Germany and the restrictions weren’t as tight as elsewhere in Europe. We’re easing out of it bit by bit and it works okay for the most part. There are a few COVID 19 outbreaks but they are clearly isolated events, which can be traced and tracked. I went back to work for a meeting this week and might go back into the office more often in the next few weeks for more meetings and even regular office work, all depending on if there is a single occupancy office available for me. I’m not sure yet how to feel about that. On the one hand my supervisor / boss are supportive of me being part of the high risk group and thus work from home, but on the other hand they of course would like to know what I think my work situation can be for the next few months. Staying home all this time is not possible with the project I have to coordinate, so we’ll have to find a way for me to feel comfortable to get back to the office, even if just for half the days a week. It’s such a weird situation and I really don’t know what to think or what to do, because there is so little known about COVID 19 and MS patients. Yet.  

I had actually planned to do this posts with a few prompts about what I have been up to these past two weeks. Spoiler Alert: not much! I’ve been rather lazy and lethargic to be honest. I need to reboot with so many of the helpful habits I thought I had sort of established. I didn’t go for a run or did any other kind of work out (except two hikes / walks) in the past. I interrupted a perfectly good (ok sometimes quick last minutes before midnight) 85 days of meditation streak. My apartment is (still) messy as I only did the bare minimum of chores around here. You’d think I have enough time to sort and clean and all and I would have. I just don’t have the drive. 

This all should / could have gone under the “Habit / Mood” prompt, I guess.

Books vs TV (Netflix etc.): There are so many TV shows / movies I at some point considered watching / catching up with.  But my mind isn’t it. I can’t seem to focus on new things. Or I don’t want to? No idea. So I’ve got the Gilmore Girls running on an endless loop in the background when I need some background noise: to eat, to mindlessly scroll through my social media feeds. Books are my escape. Always have been, I guess. I can’t deal with too complicated elaborated stories at the moment, so I’m tearing through (sometimes easy going), funny, interesting and sometimes quite steamy contemporary romance novels and I’m not ashamed about it. I also try to read some non-fiction as well, but I need to make more effort with that or at least I want to. 

Beach: If all goes well, I’ll be driving up to the beach for a day next Friday. I need to see and hear and smell the sea. And just BE for a few hours. I’m still a bit torn about it, because: high risk group, not really back at work, not essential travel and such. But… the people in my team whom I talked to about it, were supportive and I can spend a day at the beach without having to be in close contact with anyone. Bring food and snacks and all. Safer than a trip to the supermarket for sure. Using public restrooms on the way or there will be the most “risky” probably, but I can deal with that and act carefully when there. It’s a long drive and I still need to think what podcast or audiobooks to listen to in the car.  

LEGO: I’ve fallen quick and hard for the whole building LEGO as an adult activity. Mostly about London icons (skyline, vintage red doubledecker bus, Trafalgar Square). But I’ve already bought two more sets: the Paris skyline and  the Statue of Liberty. I might run out of steam soon, because I can’t be bothered with anything Star Wars or cars and vehicles and such. But for now it’s a fun and relaxing activity and that’s all that matters. 

Live Streams: I don’t watch all that many (different ones), but two have become a fixture for me by now. Thursdays with Frank Turner, playing album after album. Though I’m curious what he will do after his latest “No Man’s Land” next week. A night of Covers, maybe, but then… we’ll see. Even more fun – sorry, Frank! – is Felix Friday with Felix Hagan. A different theme each week, and he’s so awesome in everything he does. His vocal range is incredible, he plays piano brilliantly, he’s entertaining and funny and seeing many familiar names in the chatroom each week is so lovely. It’s a much smaller group than for Frank’s live streams: 250 to Frank’s 3.000 or so. Which makes having a conversation and swooning together over Felix awesomeness so much easier and more enjoyable.  

Mood: Ups and downs again. Sometimes I feel like I’m experiencing more down days, but on second glance I’m not sure that’s actually true. It’s more my underlying inertia, procrastination tendency, which I’ve always had. Yes, the pandemic might bring it out more, but I can’t really or at least shouldn’t blame it all on COVID 19. And I don’t want to. I want to be more active and more creative and less lethargic and it’s up to me to bring that on for myself. Bit by bit. Make the best of it. Shout down tornadoes and laugh… 

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