14.06.2020 | “Let’s Fix This Mess…”

Draw a line underneath all of this unhappiness,
Come on now let’s fix this mess.
We can get better, because we’re not dead yet.

(Get Better ~ Frank Turner, 2015)

Six years ago was the first time I heard that song. In a way it feels like a life time ago. And in another way, it doesn’t, because the lyrics still resonate with me and I wonder if that’s pathetic or not. So many times I tried to “get better” (do better, live better) and so many times it feels like I haven’t achieved that yet. That I’m still stuck in this circle of whatever. And in some way I might be. But I know that in others I’m not. I’ve grown and I’ve left some of the baggage behind. At least I hope I did.

A global pandemic might not be the right time to think about “Getting Better”. Maybe it’s perfectly fine to just not get any worse and there is so much stuff which can and does drag me down. So, I’m doing alright. Starting over and over and hoping some habits and thoughts stick.  

I miss going to live gigs and to scream these lyrics though. And the not knowing when I personally will be able to do that again is something that weighs heavily on my heart to be honest. Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls gigs are my happy place.

I listened to lovely podcast with Frank this morning and I can’t help it. In 90% of the interviews / podcasts he’s something inspiring whether about music or history or life. Things that get me thinking a bit. Pondering my stance or my own actions and reactions and all that. I’m a fangirl, what can I say?

Anyway, what else is happening in my tiny corner of the world and internet? I’ve been back at the office twice last week for small work meetings of projects I’m in charge off and it was about time we get back together for real. Social distanced as in: a few people in a large room, sitting 6 feet and more apart. I was worried that I would be too worried about it, but it went okay. One thing that helped me was that I trust these colleagues and project partners to act responsible even outside of these meetings. As in keep distances, wear masks, avoid gatherings and so forth. I’d go nuts if I wouldn’t be able to trust them that much. 

I’ll be back at my office for the whole week next week, as my office mate is on holiday so I have the office to myself. Let’s see how that goes. Slightly easing back into some kind of normality even though nothing about this is normal again. Or normal still. 

We had some kind of outdoor event – though it wasn’t called an event – this weekend in my hometown, where all restaurants and cafes and pubs were allowed to use more space outdoors on closed off streets to cater to their visitors. It was a lovely, sunny, weekend so a lot of people made use of that and went out with their families (or their ‘bubbles’ as they call it in the UK) and in our state we are even allowed to meet up to 10 people outside the family or household by now. So groups of friends were out together as well. For a short time this week I thought I might join up with a few people I know, and then yesterday I thought “WTF? No way!” I’ve been adamant about the single occupancy at work as requirement for me to come back to be present at work. And then I considered going out to dinner with 10 (random) people? Even if it is allowed by now I’m still wary as fuck about that idea to be honest. I guess I just wanted to hold on to that idea of normality for a bit, to not having to worry about who to meet when and where and for how long. Ugh, this pandemic sucks! 

I might consider meeting one or two friends for a social distanced walk or cafe or ice-cream next weekend. And that’s my limit for now. 

Besides that, I’m still trying to watch new TV shows and fail miserably. Nothing can hold my attention. And trust me, I’ve tried. So I’m still mostly spending my time reading. Or rather procrastinating by reading. A wide selection of fiction and non-fiction these days. The fiction is often still easy going sweet contemporary romance and I’ve stopped feeling guilty about that. Whatever gets me through the day, right? Here is my Read List on Goodreads, for anyone who’s interested… 

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