The new year hasn’t officially started yet, but I’m ready for some changes here in this space. I’d say winter solstice (or the day after) is also a good day to start something new ;-)
I hesitate to write “new start on this blog” or something similar, because I wrote and said and thought it so often and I never really started something really new or if I did, I didn’t keep up with it. All I know is, that I want to make more use of this space and to share more of my thoughts and ideas, still not knowing if anyone is still reading it. But that didn’t stop me from posting all kinds of stuff in the early days of this blog. Or not this blog, but my first blog.
I don’t know when I started to get as self-conscious here as I am in the real world. When I started doubting myself and my ability to write anything interesting and started doubting that anyone would care enough about me to read any of my random and mundane thoughts. It’s this downward spiral of negative thinking that kept me from writing anything here on a regular basis this year. I wrote about 85 posts this year and I’d say at least 1/3 of them are not even original stuff but “Best of Twitter” lists or from the early days of the “Outlander Chronicles”, which were my own thoughts but still don’t feel like “real” posts. So one of the many few resolutions I’m making for 2014 are to write more. About the random and mundane and maybe even share some deeper thoughts if I can gather my courage to do so.
2013 has been a bit of a weird year for me and I can’t quite put my finger on why it was such a weird year. I felt myself floundering in some aspects of my life and I let myself get dragged down too much by negative thinking and doubts and fears and all that crap. I think it made me miss out on some good stuff. Or maybe not. I don’t know. What I _do_ know, is, that I was much less active and productive than I would have liked.
Whether it was about work (even though it all went well in general), my plan to finish grad school, my health and fitness or my social life… in almost all aspects of my life I was too lazy and timid and self-conscious or whatever to make 2013 a year that in retrosprect I would call a good year. It wasn’t bad either, it was ok. But looking back on it I think it could have been better. It feels like the year has passed me by and I didn’t even notice it. Or I did notice it, but didn’t do anything to grab any opportunity to make it a memorable year. Or as Frank Turner (yes, of course, who else would I quote these days *g*) put it… greatness slipped on by. I try to not let that happen again next year.
I keep losing days
That used to take a lifetime
In the blinking of an eye.
And all these small ideas
Are suddenly commitments,
As greatness slips on by.
(Losing Days ~ Frank Turner, 2012)