When I wrote that post about work a few days ago I thought that would be it and I wouldn’t worry too much about that smaller issue that I had to take care of. But of course I worried, even after taking the first step of taking care of it. It’s so frustrating that I can’t just let things go and that this was one of the times where I was worrying way much more than I should be. Or at least I hope I shouldn’t and won’t have to worry to the extent that I did and do worry. I don’t know. I know that I worry too much. About everything. All the time.
Yesterday evening though I literally felt myself worrying. Not just my mind weighing pros and cons and replaying over and over again what I could/should have done or do, but actually my body reacting to this worrying, in the way humans have learned to react to stressful situations for thousands of years. Whether it is a herd of mammoths threating to trample you to death in your tiny wooden hut or a “threat” merely made-up in your mind, the reaction is always the same. The thumping heart and that sick feeling in your stomach and the restlessness all over, even when there is nothing to fight or to take flight from. I love that this acute stress reaction is still called the “fight-or-flight-response”, by the way.
I managed to just let that tiny (compared to other times) wave of panic wash over me last night, because I knew it was just my body reacting to my mind playing tricks on me. But it still sucked. Like it always does…
I’ve struggled with this a lot lately, as well. I find it very helpful to write things down. Just putting them down on paper (or on my iPad!) gives my brain permission to let them go. It’s… sortof working.
Writing those nagging thoughts down more often is one of my plans for 2015…