Grey's 4×15 – "Losing My Mind"

When I watched the episode for the first time this morning I was a disappointed with a few things. Most of all, because I first had no sound during the last few minutes, but thank god I could fix that :-).

I so do not care about the chief’s lovelife anymore. But his “calling her after sex” conversation with Derek and Mark was kind of funny. I know it’s supposed to be an honor and a great career move for George to be the chief’s intern, but it looked a lot like he was just running random errands for him, which I think sucked. But maybe it came across that way, because George was running all the time :-) It was cute how he tried to keep little Tuck out of his parents fight. And as much as I usually love Bailey, I think her husband had some valid points. Bailey IS working much and as much as she loves her son, maybe she should cut back a little. I mean, working on charts while Tuck is playing by himself can’t really be considered quality mother-child bonding time. So I was a bit disappointed with her.

Hahn/Callie? No suprise, with the spoilers and some interviews and everything. I’m still not sure what to think about it. Either Hahn has always being a lesbian which would be crappy writing. Or she is just trying to get a kick out of Mark, with all the talk about threesomes. Which to me would make the scene disrespectful to every real lesbian relationship. Two women are just kissing to turn on Mark? If you want to tell a lesbian story, at least tell it right. Or maybe they both start to discover that they might be into women? Which still would not make it right to use this to get a funny scene about Mark still being a whore.
What’s new is, that for the first time I thought that Hahn and Calllie might not feel the same about it. Up until last week I thought maybe Hahn will come out first and then Callie will follow. Now I think Hahn might not come out at all, because she really is into men (and Mark *g*) and was just fooling around on a surgery high and all. Callie on the other hand might discover that she really has more and deeper feelings for her . At least Callie is the one looking like a deer in the headlight.

Mark and Derek had a few nice scenes together, all the talk about the turning a new leaf and all. And it definitely still needs working on :-) I really hoped Cristina would start fighting for her rights by now, after she was mourning who she had to become after Burke left. But she is still in a dark place, which I didn’t expect. Not to that extend at least and I wonder how she will recover. But at least Mer get’s her. I really liked Lexie and I felt so sorry for her because she is trying to be there for Mer (and Cristina) and I hope Mer will come around again. She already started some sort of sisterly relationship with her, so why should she abandon that again?

I’m starting to like Izzie again, thank God and I felt so sorry for Alex. He was trying so hard to be the daddy Ava wanted him to be. And he was so cute about it. The way he leans on the counter to watch her eat breakfast? *melts* I’m wondering what’s wrong with Ava though. Is she going mental, because her husband got sole custody of her child? Or did something terribel happen to her child, which pushed Ava over the edge? But it still bugs me, that the writers had to bring her back only to put Alex through the wringer. As much as I’d love to get to know more about Alex and his way of thinking and feeling and about his past, I don’t like that they had to bring Ava back for that. It feels forced and like a plot device, so… yeah, bit disappointed.

And disappointment was my first reaction to the “clincal trial / patient mirrors MerDer ship” story of this week. I had to rewatch the MerDer and patient scenes until it all made some sense to me and even now I’m not sure if I’ve interpreted it all right. I want to believe it’s all supposed to make sense, so I guess I interpreted it in a way that made sense to me. The last two trial patients’ stories were easy to read as different parts of the MerDer drama. But this?
First of all it was the lamest plot anyone could think of. The moment the patient’s sister said, that Andre is not real I knew what would be happening. I even knew that there would be no happy end, because the clinical trial can only succeed when Meredith and Derek will finally be back together. Otherwise it would have made no sense for the writers to kill all these trial patients. Metaphor and all. So yes, that storyline sucked. And unlike the last one with the gay soldiers I found it really hard to figure out what it all was supposed to stand for. And even figuring out to some extent doesn’t necessarily mean that I find the way these two characters act in this episode believable.

Meredith doesn’t believe in fairytales and Prince Charming finding Cinderella and true love and all that. She tries to convince the patient to face reality (tumor instead of true love) and to take that chance to at least survive the cancer. When Andre shows up in the end, Meredith realize that she was wrong and that true love and the fairytale exists after all. Not necessarily with a happily-ever-after though, because the patient’s in a coma. Bit depressing insight, right?
Derek on the other hand believes in true love and fairytales and thus supports the patient’s wish to wait for Andre. When Andre doesn’t show up, Derek finally loses his faith in true love etc. and thus starts questioning if Meredith was his true love in the first place. When Andre finally shows up Derek doesn’t see the fairytale come true, but just that even the fairytale doesn’t have a happy ending. And with that conclusion gives up on the fairytale alltogether and goes for fun and easy. While Meredith starts to believe in fairytales after all. Bad bad timing, but what else would we have expected of these two :-)? The whole patient / MerDer thing left me confused though.

I’m not sure what to really think about Derek either. In last week’s episode and in the beginning of this week’s he clearly still was in love with Meredith. I so hoped that he would realize that by now and end things with Rose. Instead he strings her along for an easy fling? Is this man really unable to be on his own for a while? How depressing. Dr. Wyatt should ask him to make an appointment too :-). I really have no idea how they are going to go from this state of their relationship to “being back together for good” in the 90 minutes next week. I’m afraid I will be disappointed, no matter what.

I liked Mer’s interactions with her therapist. I have no experience with therapy so I don’t know if Dr. Wyatt is doing a good job or a crappy job (Grey’s fans seem to really disagree on this), but at least I think her therapy is working. Meredith has to acknowledge her avoidance and her suicidal tendency, before she can get any better. The washroom scene was hilarious and I felt really sorry for Meredith during her last session.
I’m still undecided what to think of the “Ellis tried to kill herself” admission. It was so unexpected and nothing ever hinted in that direction. So it feels a bit like the writers just came up with it recently to make Meredith even more screwed up than we already thought she was. Of course this childhood experience could have triggered some of the low selfesteem and self-loath Meredith is suffering. But I still think having Ellis as mother and being left by Thatcher would have been trigger enough for any psych problems :-)

On second thought I didn’t dislike that episode as much as I did at first. But I still think it was a regression from the ones before and that’s still a bit disappointing. I just really hope the finale will live up to my expectations. At least this episode got me a new favorite Grey’s quote

“Don’t wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don’t.”

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