Passing the six months probation period in my job seems like a good time to look back and evaluate. Officially that was done already in January and my employers and I agreed that we want to continue working with each other, so getting to or past this date was a mere technality. But still…
I know I’m repeating myself, but I’m so happy about the decision to apply for this job, so glad that they hired me and I still enjoy working there very much. There are a few tiny downsides of course, like still not quite having gotten used the long hours (compared to the previous job). Especially after the short Christmas break the lack of daylight started to drag me down. Leaving the house in the dark to go to work and getting back home after work in the dark again is tiresome. I don’t know why this didn’t bother me that much in November/December when the days actually have been even shorter. Maybe my energy levels in 2013 were just at an all time low.
I still sometimes feel in over my head, incompetent and stupid, but that’s my general attitude (not ‘being’ stupid, but ‘feeling’ stupid) so it’s not a surprise.
Over the last few weeks I unfortunately also noticed that this attitude made me slack and procrastinate at work and I couldn’t quite put into words why. But I knew I should use this two weeks off to work on my mind set, not just regarding work, but a lot of other stuff as well.
Yesterday I found a link in my Twitter timeline to an amazingly spot-on article about procrastination and reasons why people procrastinate. It was scary how familiar this all felt to me and I’m glad I found this article and the writer’s website because I’m sure reading more of his journey and his experiment for self-improvement.
But I actually wanted to write a bit more about how much I enjoy my job (when I’m not beating myself up over procrastinating at work) and especially how much I like my co-workers. One of the things that bothered me most about the previous job was that I was working in such a solitary work environment. I was alone in my office most of the time, I spoke to co-workers and bosses over the phone and seldom face to face, because they weren’t at the same building.
The strange thing is, I usually consider myself a very self-sufficient person, I can do things on my own and a lot of time I even enjoy doing them on my own. Sometimes maybe even to an unhealthy degree of isolation, which might root back in a underlying social anxiety, which stems from my lack of self-esteem. Probably. Well, that’s what the layman therapist in me would call it anyway.
So when I started in the previous job over six years ago, I thought I wouldn’t mind being on my own all day. And in the beginning I probably really didn’t mind or at least I don’t remember feeling lonely at the office. I don’t know at what point it started to bother me and last year I probably wouldn’t even have been able to put it into words.
But after six months at my current job (notice how I don’t use old/new anymore but previous/current *g*) I realize how much I thrive at a work environment with a lot of interaction with other people. I share the office with a co-worker, most of my team’s members occupy the offices next to ours. We talk about the various tasks or other aspects of our work frequently during the day and then there is the whole “water cooler” talk as well. About work-related stuff but also about other stuff. Most of my coworkers are very nice people and I get along splendidly with most of them and I try to stir out of the way of the two co-workers with who I just don’t seem to “click”. The members of the other team on our floor are all genuinely nice folks as well and even though there is actually zero work-related interaction there is enough of the social kind.
What I’m trying to say with this rambling is that I really really enjoy my co-workers’ company throughout the day and just now I realize how much I missed that kind of social interaction throughout my workday in the previous job. I guess the lack of it contributed to the dread I felt for a long time at the previous job. I really had no idea what I was missing and now that I experience it I don’t want to miss it for the world.
And it’s so nice to find out that you have things in common with your co-workers, like enjoying the same kind of music. Last week two of my coworkers were talking about “The Killers” and I interrupted them, surprised that they actually know the band, because a few years ago when I went to my first Killers concert almost none of the people around me knew them. The one co-worker knew them because one of her daughters likes them. Which prompted the other co-worker to happily annouce that she will see them live in concert in Cologne next Thursday. Which in turn than prompted me to happily announce that I’m going to see them live in concert in Hamburg even earlier (on Monday) *g*. Seriously it was such a great and funny moment, because I had no idea that she liked that kind of music as well. We exchanged mobile numbers and I promised to send her a text or photos from the show in Hamburg to let her know what to expect at her concert a few days later.
It’s small moments like these that confirm to me that it was the right decision to take the plunge and apply for this job and more importantly to leave the previous job behind. I can honestly say that I really like my job and the work environment and enjoy working there and I know how lucky and blessed I am to be able to say that.
I actually wanted to write another blog post about seeing “Les Miserables” and some other stuff, but I spent too much time talking to Bro3 this evening and I still have to get all my stuff together for my trip to Hamburg, for which I will leave in the crack of dawn tomorrow. But hopefully that’s the last time in the next two weeks I’ll have to set an alarm and actually get up when it rings. But I’m very much looking forward to this trip, even though I haven’t yet made up my mind what to do once I’ll get there. I’m going to watch hockey tomorrow afternoon and see The Killers on Monday night, but the rest of the time is wonderfully unplanned yet. But I’m sure I’ll figure something out, I have a 4 hour trainride to think about it tomorrow…