A Fresh Start ? Maybe…

So, I have no idea if I’m actually going to post this, but if you’re reading this I obviously did. I haven’t been blogging lately and I think – or to be exact I pretty much know – that the main reason for this is my nagging and annoying self doubt and fear of failure. Failure in the sense of “no one’s going to read it”, “no one’s going to be interested in what I have to say”, “I don’t have anything to say anyway” and so on. Ok, the fact that I’m a lazy bum might play a role as well.

It’s weird because for a very long time I didn’t care how many people read what I wrote here or if anybody read it at all. I put up posts anyway about all kinds of stuff. Random musings and TV and book reviews and anything, really.
I have no idea when that changed and at what point I started doubting myself even in this space, which I had designed all those years ago to write and say (and think out loud) all the things I didn’t or couldn’t do in real life. Couldn’t and didn’t in real life, because I didn’t want to bother my family or friends or because I was afraid they weren’t interested and such.
You recognize a pattern right? My fear of being either not heard at all or of being brushed off or of being misunderstood or not understood and … well, fear of a lot of other things as well. Spelling it all out here makes me worry (yes, again) that I might come across as some crazy weirdo with a lot of issues, when in fact I know that all of us humans are crazy weirdos with issues *g*. I should just not care about it anymore. But of course I still do.

Aaaaanyway, this post might be a new start. Hopefully with many more posts to come. They don’t have to be perfectly written blog posts. Or interesting to hundreds of readers. I really, really, REALLY shouldn’t worry so much about what others think of me (or my blog or my writing). Because whatever they think, there is only a slim to no chance that I can and will change their minds anyway.

Regina Brett once put it so perfectly. [One of the many not executed but now probably dragged up again blog series idea is my take on the 50 life lessons Regina Brett compiled a few years ago. I might collect my thoughts on some others of the 50 lessons, but today the previous paragraph actually sums it up quite well.]

Lesson 29: What other people think of you is none of your business.

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