Jumble of Thoughts ~ December 2017

 Sort of a downer edition, sorry….

I’ve been rather quiet around here lately and on Twitter / Instagram as well. At least that’s what it feels like. I like and retweet a lot and only maybe comment on the shows I’m watching or the music I’m listening to or the books I’m reading at the moment. I’ve been watching and reading quite a lot recently, because my day-to-day-life feels so overwhelming and tedious at the moment. I had/have a lot going on at work these past few weeks; stuff that wore me down, even though it shouldn’t have or needn’t have. I just was in a weird set of mind about a lot of things and I’m not sure I’m really over that yet. I doubt myself a lot and question my abilities too often and I worry too much and it’s been dragging me down. TV and novels have been (and still are) a wonderful tempting escape from the drudgery and from my troubled thoughts. So is running errands or doing any kind of shopping. It’s not that I’ve spent all that much money, but too much time researching sales and items online or just browse some stores for things I didn’t necessarily need right now! It’s time filled with distractions and it did keep me from worrying too much over other things. Not the most healthiest way of dealing with stuff, I know. 

I also had a difficult time not to be too hard on myself for not exercising and basically giving up on my MPC fitness routine for this year. I had planned to exercise a bit more until the end of the year, but a sore ankle / foot and all the things that dragged me down at work just sucked all motivation out of me. I’m determined sign up for the program next year again though, because it did help me in the long run throughout the year. One of the many unwritten blog posts I plan to realize before the end of the year, is about how my life changed through MPC or how I changed through it.

I catch myself being too petty and bitchy in my thoughts about other people recently and that’s something I really don’t like about myself. It’s even worse when I seek out certain peoples’ social media pages or the comment sections on someone’s feed even though I know that I’ll be annoyed with what I read / see there. I should just ignore all of that, because it’s got nothing to do with me or how I see the world or how the world sees me. I’m catching myself being unkind and I really don’t like that about myself. Being unkind and feeling (morally) superior just to make myself feel better in the times when I don’t feel so good about myself. It’s kind of pathetic, but at least acknowledging it to myself might be a good step in the right direction. I should also probably listen to “Be More Kind” more often.

I stated at the start, that this was sort of a downer post. But hopefully I’ve got it out my system for now and the next blog will be about happier things… 


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