09.09.2019 – ‘Adulting’ Sucks Sometimes

You’re not as messed up as you think you are:
Your self-absorption makes you messier.
Just settle down and you will feel a whole lot better.
Deep down you’re just like everybody else.

(Reasons Not To Be An Idiot
 ~ Frank Turner, 2008)

Every once in a while I think I should use a neat looking date for a do-over of things. 9.9.19 for instance. So let’s try this once more.

Sleep | Originally I had planned to start another round of workouts this morning, but the lovely concert I went to last night – philharmonic orchestra playing John William’s movie scores – lasted longer than anticipated and I went to bed later than expected. Starting a week with a lack of sleep throws me off right from the start; even the 5 + something hours I got weren’t really sufficient – so I postponed the next workout till tomorrow. Now that I’ve typed it out here and publish in a few moments, I might even feel more obliged to follow through.

Coffee | The usual amount + an extra cup at the office. Probably too much. I’ll know once I’m in bed.

Work | Same, same, but different. It’s busy like it’s been for a while now. I still feel overwhelmed too often and too much and that more often than not sadly leads to me floundering and not knowing how to prioritize best and to me dawdling. I need more structure and possible more instructions, but I’ve been doing this job for seven years now, I should feel more confident and comfortable making these decisions without second-guessing myself every freaking stop of the way. Another issue that’s dragging me down at the office sometimes is that changes over the past few years have changed the dynamics in our team. Often for the better, but occasionally it gets more heated. And I’m bad with conflict especially as I’m torn between professional loyalty and personal sympathy. Adulting sucks sometimes!

TV | Well, Netflix and such to be honest. At the moment I’m on the umpteenth rewatch of the Gilmore Girls. Comfort binge watching because of all of the above, maybe?

Brexit | Or… nah, I’m not sure I want to start on that now. I don’t know where I could stop. It’s such a mess. The first week in October, I’m going to be in Manchester for work once more. At the same time the Tories will have their main party conference in Manchester. This might be… interesting.

Fangirling | A friend saw a short “No Man’s Land” album / podcast review in a German womens’ (?) magazine –  she was at the doctor’s office as she is usually not someone reading these kind of magazines – and sent me a photo of it with the question “Do you know about that…?” My reply: “Duh… ;-)!” Seriously, it’s sweet that some of my friends notice news tidbits about Frank and tell me about it. She is planning to check out the podcasts, so that’s a win as well.

First Time…. at a Lawyer’s Office | I hired a lawyer this afternoon to “defend” me or at least deal with the police / public prosecutor’s office. It’s hopefully all just a big nuisance, but about two weeks ago I supposedly touched / damaged a parking car, when I was parking my own car. I didn’t notice or hear any kind of collision, so I left the “scene of the accident”, which under German law is a crime. Depending on various factors – how serious is the damage? Should I have noticed I bumped the car? – it can result in various penalties. The whole story is quite a long one and I’m really not in the mood to recap it now. A friend who is a lawyer and my legal protection insurance advised me to let a lawyer handle everything for me. Which I went to do this afternoon. I know I shouldn’t worry too much about it all and the lawyer confirmed that as well, but still… I’m a worrier! And of course I’m once again second-guessing myself and thinking of all the worst scenarios this could turn into. Also… it’s really a nuisance to deal with, phone calls and official forms and appointments and this nagging worry in the back of my mind for the next couple of weeks. Adulting sucks sometimes! Anyway, I hired a lawyer today and for someone who loves watching legal dramas on TV, this felt properly weird.

Vacation | Even with the time I’m going to spend for a few “No Man’s Land” shows in the UK in December, I still got about a week of vacation time left for this year. I feel like I could really use one. I have no idea when I will be able to squeeze in a few days away from the office, because…. busy, busy, busy! Ugh! On the other hand…. I know I’m privileged to have a secure job I usually enjoy doing, so this is a first world problem indeed. Shutting up now :-)

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