I’ve started going through my posts here to check for formatting, because it annoys me slightly that I used different formats for lyrical quotes and such (yes, that’s a nerd issue, I know). I also decided to make sure I’m not giving away too much personal information about other people (and myself). For now I’ve been going from today back to the start of 2017. And it’s a bit weird to read through all of this and to see how things have changed and how in some ways they haven’t. Especially towards the end of each year I’ve been writing quite a few, let’s call them “downer posts” about being overwhelmed and tired and such. I’ve also been writing a lot more back then. I really, I really want to get back into that mood. I miss it.
Going through all the blog posts was on my to-do-list for this vacation. Somewhere on the bottom, but that’s how I deal with to-do-lists. Not the most efficient way, I know, but that’s the way I am. I might need to figure out a better system for the next decade.
Talking about decades… (yes that was a very poor segue) A few people have done the decade recap, year by year or in general. Doing it year by year feels like too much of a hassle for me at the moment. But I still want to spend some space here looking back on what changed for me in the last 10 years. I usually tend to dwell on the things that haven’t changed, the stuff I haven’t accomplished, the stuff I haven’t overcome yet. But here I want to focus on the good things, the positive changes and the achievements. The fact that I can very well separate these and not feel the urge to counter a good thing with a bad thing is on it’s own already one of the good things I’ve achieved in this decade.
I’ve learned to be more kind to myself. More forgiving to myself for what I perceive to have been failures. Which often enough were just part of being a human being, if you know what I mean. I admit that I still struggle with being kind and forgiving to myself quite a bit from time to time, but I can still proudly say that I’m doing much better with it than I did 10 years ago. And that’s worth celebrating, right?
My lack of consistent work-outs in the last year notwithstanding, being part of My Peak Challenge (MPC), but also following various advocates for self-acceptance and body neutrality on social media in the last couple of years helped me to change my self-perception and to overcome some the issues I had with my own body / self. Isn’t it weird how much we still combine these two even in our own mind? At least I still do to some degree. But I honestly feel more comfortable with my own body than I did when I was younger and even than I did 10 years ago. Even though I’ve gained back the weight I had lost when I took MPC more serious in 2017. The fact that I want to work out more in 2020 and get more fit again doesn’t stem from being overweight as such, but from the fact, that I really don’t like being as unfit (as in out of breath quicker than previously) as I’ve become in this past year.
The other major thing that has changed in this decade is that I’ve overcome some of my social anxieties about being around people I don’t know. Part of that might have to do with me being more self-accepting of myself (body etc.) than before. Another part I can attribute to being pulled out of my comfort zone by going to Frank Turner gigs, starting to be an active part of that community and yes, also to being inspired by some of Frank’s words (songs, books, interviews). And from there it spread out to other areas of my life as well. I still need to get more confident in my professional life, I think, but I’m getting there. Step by step. Hopefully anyway…
And yes, I’ve also turned full-fledged “(Travelling) Frank Turner Fangirl” in the second half of this decade and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Which brings me to the other big changes that have happened this decade:
I started the job (in 2012) I’m still working in and it felt like the first “real” job in my professional career. The first full time job with some responsibility anyway. And I still very much like doing it. Regardless of feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility every once in a while.
At the end of 2010 I moved to the flat I’m still living in (Can’t believe it’s coming up to 10 years next year).
I’ve been asked to be godmother to a twin girl in 2015 and that’s been a wonderful experience so far.
As I want this post to stay on the positive side I won’t go into some of sad events that have happened as well. I’m glad that most of my close and wider family are still around. And that’s where I’m going to spend my Christmas Eve, but also some of my time during the next days. We all still live close to each other and we do Christmas in a rather low-key kind of way. Which is totally fine by me…