10.05.2020 | Evening Ramblings

And while I’m alive, I’ll make tiny changes to earth
(Head Rolls Off ~ Frightened Rabbit, 2008)

I’m possibly slowly getting out of this slump. *This* should be seen as relative to all the other slumps I have been stuck in in the last two months. Yes, it’s almost been this long. And it’s still ups and downs, but there seem to be fewer waves pulling me under. If I want to stay with the whole waves metaphor I started using some time ago.

Today I spend quite some time pondering the changes I have made over the past two years. Changes that have happened. Tiny and big ones. Of course the date as such brought back memories from Lost Evenings II two years ago. I had arrived in London on that day, prior to the start of the actual festival and four wonderful, intense, uplifting, emotional (the whole range of it) days. Emotional among other things because sad news about Scott Hutchinson, the Frightened Rabbits lead singer, who had ended his own life came through on that day (1oth May). Finding comfort in the fact, that we could share our sadness with like minded people who just “got” it. I mentioned a bit about that in my long “10 memorable moments” post I wrote about my experience at this festival two years ago. Among other things… going for a run along Regent’s Canal.  That feels like a lifetime ago. I put about 25 – 30 pounds back on since then. 5 or so I can blame on the pandemic, the rest… well. Not so much.

One of the tiny changes I made for myself though, is that I’ve learned to be a bit more forgiving with myself. And less judgemental. And I’ve started working out and running (walk/running at the moment) again and that feels… nice. I guess. 

In a less self-centred way: I try to be less judgemental with other people too. Give them the benefit of the doubt. #BeMoreKind and all that. Due to my work and various projects and of course Greta and Fridays For Future, I try to be (even) more mindful about how I live and travel and buy stuff and all that. Live a greener life. Even though I thought I’d already be doing that. But there was definitely room for improvement. 

But I think the #BeMoreKind is the biggest change I’ve tried to implement. And it’s not always easy :-) Neither towards myself nor others. Step by step, right?

A bit more of a re-cap of the last few days:

I’ve been mostly productive ast work. At least I felt like I’ve gotten more things done. Still not enough, but… hey, global pandemic. High-Risk Group. And general often a bit of mess emotionally and mentally. So, all in all, I’m doing fine.

My favourite artists still grace my days with live streams often throughout that week and I hope they know what that actually means to me. To hear them play some of my favourite music. Music that means so much tro me. To see the same familiar names pop up in the chat and to know that my music family (see #06 of my top10 post) is still around and hanging in there as best as they can. Just like me! To have Felix Hagan pick TWO of my requests this week and absolutely nailing it! To hear Frank so openly talk about mental health and to hear him say (what I already knew, but still) that it’s ok to have what he called “shit days” in this global pandemic. When you don’t want to get out of bed and just watch Netflix all day.

Finally, I’ve by now fully jumped the LEGO bandwagon. I spare you the annoying ordering / delivery story, but I can proudly and happily announce that I spent most of my time yesterday putting together the London Skyline set (480 or so pieces, so not too many). And it was fun. Relaxing and meditative and such a nice feeling of accomplishment, once it was done. I immediately ordered two more London centred sets which should be here by the end of the week. I’m very tempted to drive to the big hypermarket I’ve been doing lots of my grocery shopping at these days and buy one of the sets they have on the shelf in their toys section. I checked them out yesterday and there was one or two I can see myself building. I’m not into Star Wars or the whole sports car / machinery kind of things. But… Ugh, I have such a lack of impulse control. But… I also have so much stuff I save money on at the moment. No gigs. No movies. No gas to drive to work. No holiday to save up for. So… LEGO it is. Or it might be…. 


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