A Pleasent Change of Attitude

I had always planned to follow my first “Attitude” post with another one.  I had a pretty clear idea about what kind of attitudes (by myself and others) or about what kind of situations. And I guess, that post might be written someday. Today it’s about my own attitude, mostly. Yes, it’s a self-involved post, maybe, but…. my blog, my rules. My attitude :-)

Recently I’ve been (much) more mindful about my own anxieties and emotions. More mindful about what external action/reaction triggers what kind of emotional response from me. And it’s weirdly fascinating to realize how this works. I might still worry about things I really shouldn’t or needn’t worry about. But I don’t worry in the same extent and for so long that I might have worried before.

Purposefully vague example from work today:

I’ve been working on a project with colleagues from two different departments and an outside consulting firm these past few months. We had some inter-departmental difficulties but also problems with the consulting firm and delays and everything, which made working on this project not much fun. We finally had managed to get everyone on board for some kind of final project meeting planned later this week.

The consulting firm cancelled this meeting today, because the people working on our project were all out sick this week! Annoying, but these things can happen. But now I had to inform the colleagues in the other departments that the meeting was cancelled and that we had to find a new date etc.

For a moment I felt soooo bad about it. Like I had messed it up and that it was my fault that we now we had to go through the hassle of finding a new date to get everyone together and I already was (and admit partially still am) imagining the passive agressive hassle I would get from some of the guys. They are from more technical departments and it’s a more technical project, which in these days – at least in my firm – still means: I’m the only woman working on this project.

But luckily I stopped that line of thinking quickly. Because it’s so not my fault that the outside consulting firm cancelled last minute. There was absolutely nothing in my power to stop those guys from getting sick or the firm to cancel. It’s completly out of my hands. I have nothing to feel guilty or responsible about. My only responsibility was to get the news of the cancellation out as quickly as possible to my colleagues. And I did.

Yes, my mind  and my way of thinking (and feeling) is messed up. I know. I’m working on it. Obviously…. :-)

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